Thanksgiving

thanks a lot
for stuffing me,
said the turkey
to the cook

I think
it gave me the shits tho,
am I now
of the hook?

A spotted bouncy deer

breezy break of day
a spotted bouncy deer
stands
near the perfect trees
hidden
in plain sight
slightly in fear
smelling
a potential danger
of a hunting stranger

Smitten with her kitten

she is smitten with her kitten

she don’t mind the scratches on her sofa
and that she’s been gently bitten

Birds on the water tower

they reign from their tower
their view is their own
they stare and they gaze
from their big water throne

they observe, coo and caw
as they rattle and whirr
moved by the wind,
in the sky they sing
and confer…

Straight from the horse’s mouth

I need a stable home
said the dark horse,
one where I can stand up
for myself,
get grounded
and not be stalled…

No one gets control of my tongue

no one
gets control
of my tongue
nor my pen
in which I will stay
and happily play

Spot on!

a mosquito
nameth Gus
jabbed my spot
that was filled with pus

he said ewwww
I never knew
that instead of blood
it tastes of stew

Spelling bee 🐝

the bee
tried to spell
the word chincherinchee

but it was dyslectic
illiterate
and blind, you see…

Sing sing sing

birds that play
fly freely
are never caught
make silly noises
and sing
sing
sing

The damp of a dog turd (naughty version)

smoking hot
from ass to grass
a soft brown substance
came to pass

The damp of a dog turd (the messy version)

a spontaneous creation
of damp
spread
and left across the nation

The damp of a dog turd (the nice version)

early
on a sunny spring’s morn
something beautiful
and odorous was born

What a killer

what a killer
said the hunter
to his prey

I shot myself
in the foot
and I just saved your day

Baby bunny

new to life
fearless
yet frail
waggling
it’s tiny tail
freshly furred
brown ha(i)re(d)
and slightly scared
a baby bunny hops
on my grass
mixed with weeds
en masse
as birds sing
and bugs bug
the bunny
freezes
whilst an ugly orange cat
goes into stalking mode

I have to break up the party…

Eggs dancing

rhythmically
jiving
to increasing heat
my eggs dance around
in boiling water
without legs
nor cold feet

iMagine

iMagine
naming your dog
Siri
and calling him

“Hey Siri”

and iMagine
having an IPhone

Wolf

nocturnally
p’rtaining to the night
the animal wast adrift
and howling out of sight

Danny the Dalmatian

you’ve spotted me
said Danny
to the overlooking tree

you look
like you are thirsty
so I will kindly wet on thee

I also left you
a fragrance
to freshen up thy bark

so you smell nice
alone
in this landscape oh so stark

No fly zone

a fly
couldn’t fly
in a zone
of his own
so he disguised himself
as a book
but his cover was blown

USSuRper from the east

on your misery he shall feast

put im down
this usurper from the east

Stride

regarding my eventful stride
in the garden of perception
I ponder
and wonder
how I ended up
down yonder
believing fate
would caress my inner
conspicuous alteration
of thoughtful contemplation
that opens
and shuts shutters
of my ever vivid imagination

To the forest

rising damp
steam and smoke
misty sunlight
like a faded lamp
gazing upon dead wood
covering moist soil
the earth breathing
through snugly moss
trees waving
wandering gust

I should go to the forest
I really must…

Bipolar

2 gay bears
were dancing on ice,
playing a game,
rolling the dice

The ice began to melt
as the heat was on;
all the love they had felt
had sunk and was gone…

Gene pool

mixed by
only a few
we are created
as off spring
amongst ourselves
in a small pool
of genes
by human
intervention
making us weak
not to mention
they did it
with every intention
just for money
not very funny

How snug

how snug…

a bare
bear hug

Her butterflies

the fresh smell
of springs’ air
rosy cheeks
her skin so fair
she seeks
a naughty boy
who wants him
for her butterflies
and a bit of joy

all the while
her precious
innocent smile
and insecure
female stance
wants to control
her butterflies
before they start
to dance…

Slug trail

the mark
the trail
the path
it took
to stain
my glass
with slime
Sublime!

Do not rattle my cage

“pet me little one,
but do not rattle my cage”
said the lion at the zoo

or I may eat you up
and turn you
into poo

More flies

more flies
fly in
than they do out

they must like head butting windows
what’s that
all about?

With pets

with pets
comes joy
and bills
for vets
unconditional love
hair
and puke
but certainly no regrets

Your bark

your bark
is not as bad as mine
said the maple
to the dog

so please
don’t urinate on me
or I may end up
like a log

I stick my neck out

I stick
my neck out
for you
said the giraffe
to the mouse

but I can’t see
no cheese
no skirting board
and I don’t see
no house

Say cheese!

Say cheese!
said the girl
to the parrot

and the parrot said:
Say cheese!

A wasp 🐝

a wasp
can’t help
being a wasp

and neither can Sting

Snitch

do not come
to my house
I said to the mouse
as you snitched
on my cat
you dirty rat…

Party animal

A short story on the perseverance of a slug

a little effort
goes a long way
when you crawl
from New York
to LA

Most people

most people
are
mostly people

but for a few,
the animals
that I knew…

Stuck on you

I’m stuck on you
said Remora to the shark

I will follow you
into the deep
and in the dark

Magpie

your screechy
raspy chatter
wakes me up
with querulous
clatter

harsh
shrieking
blare
I hear your racket
everywhere

outcry
rebel yell
before dawn
too early
false alarm

raucous piercing
repeatedly
to distraction
I shout BUGGAR OFF!
but get no reaction

Harvey the Hog 🐷 and Jeffrey the Jackal 🦊

Harvey the Hog
and Jeffrey the Jackal
were looking for femmes
to put in a shackle

lured by fame
they tricked them with tricks
demanding indecent proposals
to do with their pricks

the molested femmes
took the animals to court
ensuring their stay
in a restrained resort

Jeffrey got hanged
by petrified peers
leaving hog Harvey crippled
by shame and fears

Walk with me

walk with me
talk to me

I’ll set you free
I’m your petagree

I’ll go with what I’ve got

I’ll go
with what
I’ve got
and won’t focus
on what
I’ve not

Amphibious rejection

I’ve never
promised you
a rose garden
said Franny the Frog
to Teddy the Toad

but you could
test the water
before me
on the other side
of that busy road

Deep throat

come inside me
said the giraffe
to the slug
when you slide down
my deep throat
I will swallow you
whole…

Catwalk

strutting
his stuff
using his tail
for balance
the cat walks
his daily trail
in a coat
of fur
feeling contented
murmuring
an occasional purrrrrrr

A little awareness

a little awareness
goes a very long way…

just pause,
be conscious
and let time pass away

Spread the word

Spread the word!
said the king
to his bird…

Fly forth!
and treat the enemy
to a sloppy turd

Hug me!

Hug me!
said the porcupine
to the hedgehog,
but please don’t stab me
in the back

Few words

I’m a man
of few words…

yet I talk
about the bees and the birds…

they fly

The bird

you blow me away
said the bird
to the wind
and move me
to places
where I need not be
quarantined

Proseed

the mad cow
grabbed the bull
by the horns
and said:
dear sire,
not for prosperity
nor for need;
just turnover,
please proseed

Rest assured

rest assured
said the sloth
to his friend

just hang tight
and one day
you’ll understand

Corvus Corax

black raven
sitting on a fence
feeling blue
don’t know what to do

waiting for death
to come to his gate
was it eyes of a human
he recently ate?

looking at me
if I were its prey
too big to handle?
maybe some day…

Easter 2020

don’t put
all your eggs
in one basket
said the bunny
to the chicken

watch out
and lay them
6 feet apart
before corona
can kick in

Traces

I see
miserable faces
in different places,
all looking unhappy,
in their eyes,
despairing traces

traces of sadness,
remorse
and pain;
will they ever
be jolly
and smile again?

Clair Voyant

Clair Voyant
was a psychic
who had a donkey
for a sidekick
and a monkey
that was cheeky

she predicted
all the noise
they made
would make
her floor sound squeaky

The fly and the vandal

the fly was crying
as he knew it was dying
behind glass it was stuck
sheer out of luck

caught in a greenhouse
didn’t know what to do
he just had his dinner
after feasting on poo

the heat drove him mad
made him tired and sad
head butting the pane
messed up his brain

there was no exit
that he could see
till a stone broke the glass
and he was set free

delighted and relieved
the fly flew away
grateful to the vandal
who tried to hit him that day

Nurture nature!

feed
and protect
the precious sacred soil –

saviour
our ever
spinning earthly coil

Are you for reel

are you
for reel
said the wire
to the tackle –

am I bound
to this fate
and confined
to catch mackerel?

3 blind mice

three blind mice
were eating stir fried rice
after they had dinner
they also wanted ice

but as they couldn’t see
they asked the cat to get it
yet the cat ate them instead
after he said: forget it!

Stuck in the elevator

awkward
situation
no rise
no decline
stuck
in the elevator
with you
looking up
to devour me
my precious
alligator

Pigeons

I don’t know how
I don’t know why
but
rats with wings
keep flying by

Smog

smog
man made
fog
Sidney
choking
I’m not joking
depressing
thought
and thought
provoking
down under
creatures
smoking
smog
man made
fog

Hyena

prey on me
hunt me down
eat me up
devour me clown

crush me
with your forceful jaw
eat me up
consume me raw

Woof woof

every Sunday
a dog barks
nervously
near the store
she heard it all
too often
a thousand times
before

fed up
of waiting
for the return
of its boss
Jan went out
and shot it
leaving a note:
I’m sorry for your loss

Hair

hair hair
everywhere
here and there
for you to stare

even on my warts
2 pair
grizzly to bear
I shall bare

unaware
where I can’t see
also many more
must be

unwanted patches
black
thick and coarse
just like a horse

unjust in proportions
in the wrong places
no wonder all the
funny faces

hair hair
anywhere
lots to see
I’ll shed ‘n share

Bunny boiler

the hare
was in the pan
boiled by a sex crazed bunny

lured him into it
by calling him
honey

Drawn by light

drawn
to the darkness of night
it was redirected
by first light
and the fading moon
sketching
a pretty picture
the mixture
of faded shadows
and songs
of morning sparrows

alive
this live blinding spectacle
recurring
with precious innocence
awoke
on a spring dawn
rising
on shores
of hopeful new starts
passing slowly
as it departs…

Gene pool

mixed by
only a few
we’re created
as off spring
amongst ourselves
in a small pool
of genes
by human
intervention
making us weak
not very funny
not to mention
they did it
just for money
with every intention

Plenty of fish

plenty of fish
still in the sea
you may catch
the right one
to put on your dish

A pencil must be lead

“You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead”

~Stan Laurel

Empididae

dancing flies
do their loopies
under blue sky
these twirly groupies

they make my day
when they wander
squander
meander

round and round
they dance to light
these happy creatures
make my night

Not his vamp

“I think I’m in love”
the blind man thought
not knowing what to do
yet he kissed the hairy gal
before she uttered mooo!

he stepped into her homemade pie
which lay there warm and damp
barefooted came
to realise
the cow was not his vamp

Duelling cats

petite tigers
on my lawn
crying
afore dawn
treading in slow motion
what’s up
with the racket
and all this commotion

Excremental morning

look up
watch out
a falling turd
shat on
by a shitting bird

your black dress
stained
by flying poo
what are you
going to do

Beef

I ain’t got
no beef
with you
said the cow
to the butcher
so chop chop
Go!
and leave me
now
and perhaps
someday
I shall
forgive you
somehow

Don’t fall in love with me

don’t fall in love with me
said the wasp
to the bee
but you can still
call me honey
if you let me sting you
periodically
on a flower
when it’s sunny
🐝

Mantis

you eat me up
with your power
you devour
me

I am your prey
femme fatale
you pinned me down
I cannot flee

Keep me in line

keep me in line
before the cord snaps
said the fish
but don’t take me
hook, line and sinker

Swamp monster

the greedy nasty wife
did nothing
in the house
except
getting up to eat
and shouting at her spouse

her fragile man
came home hungry
after working hard and late
noticed
all the food had gone
that his Ethel ate

had him run out
to the store
being ordered
to get more
called her a swamp monster
whilst walking out the door

when he came back
he was upset
not knowing what to do
but then he thought
you know what
I’ll take her to the zoo

My fish

my fish
wag their tails
elegantly
in curvy trails

no apparent
straight path
unpredicted
enjoying their bath

up and down
they travel light
moving about
all day and night

Love is blind

beauty is in the eyes
of the beholder
thought the little bat

as he lost his way
and flew too low
into a big old hungry cat

Hot legs

damp
steamy
thighs
stand
firmly
on
a
misty
mellow
meadow
whilst
the big
orange sun
heats
the green
underneath
the mare
gazing
on
a frosty
autumn morn
after
a new sunrise
is born

Flying rats

oh pigeon
oh pigeon
thou art beyond
any religion

picking
poisoned
evil food
where i’m sat or where i’m stood

on my head
or on me knee
sit anywhere
you want to be

Bloody weeds

bloody weeds
bloody weeds
they bloody bleed
like bloody blood
between bloody tiles
it bloody feeds
on bleedin seeds
I’m on me knees

pulling
scraping
amongst bloody beezzz
summer’s breeze
sun and rain
I won’t complain
I’ll endure
the greens
the bloody pain

Alfresco

the butterflies dance
with elegant swerve
carried by breeze
and dangerous curve

in my small garden
they’ve come alive
gliding on wind
makes them revive

cruising through air
i watch them fly
floating with ease
as time passes by…