Murder in East Kilbride

A newlywed
was found dead in a bed,
kilt by her husband
wearing a tartan coloured red.

Her recent spouse
had drank quite a lot
and was insulted
when she called him tosspot.

He killed her
and played his pipes that night;
woke up every soul
up to Glasgow alright.

The polis got wind
of the sound of his drone:
“We’ve got you by yer testes
now your cover is blown…”

Witty word: Teatotaller

/ tea-toht-ler /

noun

a person who has a strong, often uncontrollable, desire to drink tea all the time:
After buying 100 boxes of Liptons and popping the kettle on 24/7, it was determined that Mrs Drinkwater was a teatotaller.

Origin of teatotaller:
2023; poetpas©️; Modern English, based on late Middle English, based on silliness and wit.

Torment me

torment me
to absolute distraction
bring it on
if only a fraction
of your pesting kindness
playful love
you tickle me senseless
I’ll surrender
I’ll be defenceless

Thanksgiving

thanks a lot
for stuffing me,
said the turkey
to the cook

I think
it gave me the shits tho,
am I now
of the hook?

Estate

the difference between living
in or on estate
could be £5 million

in an estate
one has the feeling
one has the whole place to oneself

whilst on an estate
we know,
and (un)willingly accept,
we all live in one house…

Hollywood hiccups: my personal annoyances

why do they always drink alcohol?
why do they always drink a lot or binge drink?
how do they become sober after one cup of coffee?
why do they always smoke (and often secretly)?
why do people who have stopped smoking always have a drag of someone’s smoke when talking outside to someone who is smoking or stopped smoking?
why do they never say (good)bye on the phone?
why do they toss bear caps everywhere except in the bin?
why have they always got the sound on on their mobiles everywhere they go?
why do they never answer them in case of an emergency?
why do they never eat or never finish what they eat when they do eat?
why do they talk when they eat and let their food go stone cold?
how come no one has to wait for a taxis? They point and one is there?
why do they always find a parking spot?
why do detectives never do any paperwork?
how come all conversations are perfect? No grammatical errors?
how come everyone leaves the hospital after they wake up?
how does a dna result come back within a day?
how come every woman has perfect hair?
why do all houses look neat?
why is it when someone holds a speech everybody listens silently?
why do people leave the house without having breakfast?
why are there never any traffic jams when there’s a car chase?
how does the right tv channel come on straight away when someone wants to see the news?
why do woman after sex always wear an oversized buttoned man’s shirt?
how can people board planes after the gate has been shut?
why do bullied kids never tell their parents what goes on?
how come cars never start when they are about to be chased?
why do high school kids look like adults?
why do cops always have bad relationships with their wives and daughters?
what or why do I care?

Memories of a classroom: an enumeration of unforgettable odors

perspiration
pot
poo
pee
paper towels
perfume
peppermint
puke
pencils
poppers
pizza
pink erasers
crayons
chalk
and cheese
snot
from sneeze
jeez
cigarettes smoke
made me choke
coffee
tea
horny hormones
arts
and farts
soap
spilled milk
and ink
I think
glue
goo
dog shit
on my shoe
drains
fruit
stains
rubber
blubber
rank
radiators
musky books
bleach
bleechers
dirty looks
make up
teachers
airosol
alcohol
leather
mildew
stew
What about you?

Rheum

eye candy
gone dry
settled in the corner
of my awakening eye

my dreams hardened
into crusty bits
after I dreamed
of your voluptuous t(·)(·)ts

Alienation

an alien nation
landed on earth
during the probation
they wanted to feast and drink
during their vacation

they drank all the moonshine
in Georgia and Kentucky
they never got caught
I guess one can say
they were lucky 🍀

Sugar lumps

slowly they dissolve
descending into brown
spreading their sweetness
on their way down

the perfect balance
never wrong
like little white angels
peeing on your tongue

Witty word: Ohzone

Definition of ohzone
/oh-zohn/

noun
1 area that is distinguished for some purpose in which a certain amount or a degree of complacency or disregard exists or is established:
Due to his addiction to his IPhone Archibald found himself comfortably numb in his ohzone and shrugged when his mother said: “I’m leaving your dad and I’m going back to Zanzibar to move in with Darlene”

2 a place where shallow and ignorant people live:
Al and Peggy Bundy were happily living in their ohzone until uncle Ted came knocking on their door.

Origin of ohzone:
2021; poetpas ©; Modern English, based on silliness and wit.

Free tips for men: Toilet 🚽

When you need to pee, sit down rather than stand up! This will prevent a possible deflecting urine stream spritzing the area surrounding you. Think of bath mats, tiles, radiators, shoes and of course the toilet itself.

It will save you a lot of cleaning and will prevent bad hygiene, bacteria, sticky surfaces and rusty radiators (urine contains saltpetre).

Extra tip: keep your pubes trimmed…you don’t want them scattered all round your WC as well? Or stuck to the urine for those who’ll remain standing?

So toilet seat down and be seated😊

Stay tuned for more…

Frau Glockenspiel

every day
she peeks
through my window
on her daily walk
short stepping her way
to an embracing slow death
me not knowing
who she is
where she comes from
where she lives
every day
her daily fix
around 6
she walks by
I call her
Frau Glockenspiel
I don’t know why…

Witty word: Lieability

definition of lieability
/lahy-a-bil-i-tee/

noun

1 the ability or skill to make false statements made with deliberate intent to deceive: His continuous lieability made him a believable, trustworthy and fraudulent friend.

2 the ability to be in a horizontal, recumbent, or prostrate position, as on a bed or the ground for long periods of time: Her liebility made it easy to mask her years of laziness and her self diagnosis of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.

Origin of lieability:

2021; poetpas ©; Middle English, Old French, Old Norse, Gothic, Modern English, based on philosophical wit.









Featuring: Telly Savalas


Today I’m featuring this great actor and wise man, known as Kojak, also a philanthropist, a singer and a great poker player. Noted for his bald head and deep, resonant voice, this lollipop man warmed the hearts of many viewers for many years with his one liners and catchy phrases. ‘Who loves you baby’ 🍭 

Aristotelis Savalas was born in Garden City, New York, on January 21, 1922, the second of five children born to ethnic Greek parents. Savalas and his brother, Gus, sold newspapers and polished shoes to help support the family. Savalas initially spoke only Greek when he entered grade school, but later learned English. He won a spelling bee there in 1934; due to an oversight, he did not receive his prize until 1991, when the school principal and Boston Herald awarded it to him.

Savalas graduated from Sewanhaka High School in Floral Park, New York in 1940.

A renowned swimmer, he worked as a beach lifeguard after graduation from high school. However, on one occasion, he was unsuccessful in saving a father from drowning; as he attempted resuscitation, the man’s two children stood nearby crying for their father to wake up. This affected Savalas so much that he spent the rest of his life constantly promoting water safety, and later made all six of his children take swimming lessons.

In 1941, Savalas was drafted into the United States Army. In 1943, he was discharged from the Army with the rank of corporal after being severely injured in a car accident. Savalas spent more than a year recuperating in hospital with a broken pelvis, sprained ankle and concussion. He then attended the Armed Forces Institute where he studied radio and television production.

He received a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Columbia’s School of General Studies in 1946 and started working on a master’s degree while preparing for medical school.

Savalas did not consider acting as a career until asked if he could recommend an actor who could do a European accent. He did but as the friend in question could not go, Savalas himself went to cover for his friend and ended up being cast on “And Bring Home a Baby”, an episode of Armstrong Circle Theatre in January 1958. He appeared on two more episodes of the series in 1959 and 1960, one, acting alongside a young Sydney Pollack. He was also in a version of The Iceman Cometh.

Savalas quickly became in much demand as a guest star on TV shows.

Savalas made his film debut in Mad Dog Coll (1961), playing a cop. His work had impressed fellow actor Burt Lancaster, who arranged for Savalas to be cast in the John Frankenheimer directed The Young Savages (also 1961 and again playing a cop). Pollack worked on the film as an acting coach.

In one of his most acclaimed performances, Savalas reunited with Lancaster and Frankenheimer for Birdman of Alcatraz (1962), where he was nominated for the Academy Award and Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor. The same year, he appeared as a private detective in Cape Fear, and The Interns, reprising his role from the latter film in The New Interns (1964).

Savalas also guest starred in a number of TV series during the decade including The New Breed, The Detectives, Ben Casey, The Twilight Zone (the episode “Living Doll”), The Fugitive (1963 TV series) and Arrest and Trial among others.

He was part of an all-star cast in The Dirty Dozen (1967).

Savalas’ first leading role in film was in the British crime comedy Crooks and Coronets (1969). The same year he appeared in the James Bond movie On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, playing Ernst Stavro Blofeld. He continued to appear in films during the 1970s including Kelly’s Heroes (1970) (with Clint Eastwood).He reunited with Christopher Lee in the 1976 thriller Killer Force, and also appeared in Peter Hyams’ Capricorn One (1978).

“I had worked my way up to star billing”, he later said, “when the bottom dropped out of the movie business. I could have stayed in Europe and made Italian movies but I discovered the big difference between an Italian and American movie is that in the American movie you get paid.”

Savalas first played Lt. Theodopolus “Theo” Kojak in the TV movie The Marcus–Nelson Murders (CBS, 1973), which was based on the real-life Career Girls Murder case.

Kojak was a bald New York City detective with a fondness for lollipops and whose tagline was “Who loves ya, baby?” (He also liked to say, “Everybody should have a little Greek in them.”) Although the lollipop gimmick was added in order to indulge his sweet tooth, Savalas also smoked heavily onscreen—cigarettes, cigarillos and cigars—throughout the first season’s episodes. The lollipops had apparently given him three cavities, and were part of an (unsuccessful) effort by Kojak (and Savalas himself) to curb his smoking. The critic Clive James explained the lead actor’s appeal as Kojak: “Telly Savalas can make bad slang sound like good slang and good slang sound like lyric poetry. It isn’t what he is, so much as the way he talks, that gets you tuning in.”

David Shipman later wrote: “Kojak was sympathetic to outcasts and ruthless with social predators. The show maintained a high quality to the end, mixing tension with some laughs and always anxious to tackle civic issues, one of its raisons d’etre in the first place. It was required viewing in Britain every Saturday evening for eight years. To almost everyone everywhere Kojak means Savalas and vice versa, but to Savalas himself the series was merely an interval, albeit a long one, in a distinguished career.”

Kojak aired on CBS for five seasons from October 24, 1973, until March 18, 1978, with 118 episodes produced. The role won Savalas an Emmy and two Golden Globes for Best Actor in a Drama Series. Co-stars on the show included Savalas’ younger brother George as Detective Stavros – a sensitive, wild-haired, quiet, comedic foil to Kojak’s street-wise humor in an otherwise dark dramatic series – Kevin Dobson as Kojak’s trusted young partner, Det. Bobby Crocker, who’s on-screen chemistry with Savalas was a success story of 1970s television, and Dan Frazer as Captain Frank McNeil.

Due to a decline in ratings, the series was canceled by CBS in 1978. Savalas and Frazer were the only actors to appear in all 118 episodes. Savalas was unhappy about the show’s demise but got the chance to reprise the Kojak persona in several television movies, starting in 1985. The first film, subtitled The Belarus File and broadcast in February 1985, reunited Savalas with several of his co-stars from the series: younger brother George, Dan Frazer, Mark Russell (Det. Saperstein) and Vince Conti (Det. Rizzo); this marked those actors’ final appearances in the Kojak franchise. A further six Kojak TV movies were produced, titled The Price of Justice (1987), Ariana, Fatal Flaw (both 1989), Flowers for Matty, It’s Always Something – with Kevin Dobson reprising his role of Bobby Crocker, now an Assistant District Attorney – and None So Blind (all 1990).

In 1992, he appeared in three episodes of the TV series The Commish (his son-in-law was one of the producers). This was Savalas’ final television role. He would appear in two further feature films before his death, Mind Twister (1993) and the posthumous release Backfire! (1995).

As a singer, Savalas had some chart success. His spoken word version of Bread’s “If” produced by Snuff Garrett reached No. 1 in both the UK and Ireland in March 1975, but just No.88 in Canada, and his version of Don Williams’s “Some Broken Hearts Never Mend” topped the charts in Switzerland in February 1981. He worked with composer and producer John Cacavas on many albums, including Telly (1974) which peaked at number 49 in Australia and Who Loves Ya, Baby (1976).

He received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1983. In 1999, TV Guide ranked him number 18 on its 50 Greatest TV Stars of All Time list.

Savalas was married three times. In 1948 after his father’s death from bladder cancer, Savalas married his college sweetheart, Katherine Nicolaides. Their daughter Christina, named after his mother, was born in 1950. In 1957 Katherine filed for divorce. She urged him to move back to his mother’s house during that same year. While Savalas was going broke, he founded the Garden City Theater Center in his native Garden City. While working there he met Marilyn Gardner, a theater teacher. They married in 1960. Marilyn gave birth to their daughter, Penelope, in 1961. A second daughter, Candace, was born in 1963. They divorced in 1974, after a long separation.

In January 1969, while working on the movie On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Savalas met actress Sally Adams, an actress 25 years his junior whose daughter from a previous relationship is Nicollette Sheridan. Savalas later moved in with Sally, who gave birth to their son Nicholas Savalas on February 24, 1973. Although Savalas and Sally Adams never legally married, she went by the name Sally Savalas. They stopped living together in December 1978; she filed a palimony lawsuit against him in 1980, demanding support not only for herself and their son, but also for Nicollette.

In 1977, during the last season of Kojak, Savalas met Julie Hovland, a travel agent from Minnesota. The couple were married from 1984 until his death and had two children: Christian, an entrepreneur, singer and songwriter, and Ariana, an actress and singer/songwriter. Savalas was close friends with actor John Aniston, and was godfather to his daughter Jennifer, a successful TV and film actress.

Savalas held a degree in psychology and was a world-class poker player who finished 21st at the main event in the 1992 World Series of Poker. He was also a motorcycle racer and lifeguard. His other hobbies and interests included golfing, swimming, reading romantic books, watching football, traveling, collecting luxury cars, and gambling. He loved horse racing and bought a racehorse with movie director and producer Howard W. Koch. Naming the horse Telly’s Pop, it won several races in 1975 including the Norfolk Stakes and Del Mar Futurity.

In his capacity as producer for Kojak, he gave many stars their first break, as Burt Lancaster had done for him. He was considered by those who knew him to be a generous, graceful, compassionate man. He was also a strong contributor to his Greek Orthodox roots through the Saint Sophia and Saint Nicholas cathedrals in Los Angeles and was the sponsor of bringing electricity in the 1970s to his ancestral home, Ierakas, Greece.

As a philanthropist and philhellene, Savalas supported many Hellenic causes and made friends in major cities around the world.

In the 1980s, Savalas began to lose close relatives. His brother George Savalas, who played Stavros in the original series, died in 1985 of leukemia at age 60. His mother, Christina, who had always been his best friend, supporter and devoted parent, died in 1988. On November 22, 1989, Savalas was diagnosed with transitional cell cancer of the bladder.

Savalas died on January 22, 1994, one day after his 72nd birthday, of complications of prostate cancer at the Sheraton-Universal Hotel in Universal City, California. He had lived at the Sheraton in Universal City for 20 years, becoming such a fixture at the hotel bar that it was renamed Telly’s. Savalas was interred at the George Washington section of Forest Lawn – Hollywood Hills Cemetery in Los Angeles, California. The funeral, held in the Saint Sophia Greek Orthodox Church, was attended by his third wife, Julie, and his brother Gus. His first two wives, Katherine and Marilyn, also attended with their own children. The mourners included Angie Dickinson, Nicollette Sheridan, Jennifer Aniston (his goddaughter), Kevin Sorbo, Sally Adams, Frank Sinatra, Don Rickles, and several of Savalas’s Kojak co-stars – Kevin Dobson, Dan Frazer, and Vince Conti.

For the people who are old enough (lol), I still watch Kojak on video occasionally and I still enjoy his acting, the stories and the scenery of New York in the seventies. It takes you back to the free days of the Big Apple. I always found him to be a witty, funny, apt and strong individual.

Check him out (or not):

https://youtu.be/F0xG888KrTk

https://youtu.be/JIAVQ-0J-OA

https://youtu.be/L7qah1O6MGg

https://youtu.be/dPp5RHpka5E

https://youtu.be/-8hbUqhKM38

Sources: Wikipedia, YouTube, interweb, poetpas 















Psalm 23:4-6 King Silly Version

4 Yay, though I walk through the valley of life, I will fear some evil: for thou art with me; but with my staff I shall hope to silence thee.

5 Though thou preparest a table before me in the presence of thy family: they anoint my mind with shallowness; my head runneth over.

6 Surely to God I hope they shan’t follow me the remaining days of my life: or I will runneth a mile to the house of spirits, and dwell within.

The coach and the roach

a holistic coach
had an odd approach
trying to solve a problem
with the use of a cockroach

it was for a penis
that wouldn’t erect
and needed a remedy
to cure the defect

the roach was placed
in the man’s underpants
with a few leaves of nettle
and a couple of ants

the gigolo said:
“Eureka! I now have an itch;
I will proceed to pander
and I shall be rich!”

Little boxes 📦

Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes made of ticky-tacky
Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes all the same
There’s a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they’re all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same
And the people in the houses
All went to the university
Where they were put in boxes
And they came out all the same
And there’s doctors and lawyers
And business executives
And they’re all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same
And they all play on the golf course
And drink their martinis dry
And they all have pretty children
And the children go to school
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university
Where they are put in boxes
And they come out all the same
And the boys go into business
And marry and raise a family
In boxes made of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same
There’s a pink one and a green one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they’re all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same

~Pete Seeger

Witty word: Handycap

Definition of handycap
/han-dee kap/

Noun
1 a brimless head covering with a visor, to make people (more) handy:
Jonas bought a handycap as he had two left hands. After a week he now had 2 right hands. And a handycap.

2 state of affairs whereby there is a limit to being handy:
Red thought he could just fix about any old thing but there was a handycap as to what he could mend, as he was blind as a bat.

Origin of handycap:
2021; poetpas ©; Modern English, based on silliness and wit.

Dear Bill

unable to cope
you hang yourself
with rope
you turn on
the gas
and let things
come to pass
or jump
in front of a train
as you can’t handle
the pain
you drive
off a cliff

but what if
you just chill
and take a pill
and make sure
you put me
in your will
or won’t
my dear Bill
I was kidding
cause I love you
in spite
of the money
you owe me
still…

Featuring: Ricky Gervais

Today I’m featuring a comedian who is funny, daft, sensitive and deadly honest. I love this man as he always searches for truths and can turn sadness into laughter. He is a realist and makes many of us aware of our human emotions, all in good spirit.

Ricky Dene Gervais (1961) is an English comedian, actor, director, and writer. He is best known for co-creating, co-writing, and acting in the British television mockumentary sitcom The Office (2001–2003). He has won seven BAFTA Awards, five British Comedy Awards, two Emmy Awards, three Golden Globe Awards, and the Rose d’Or twice (2006 and 2019), and has been nominated for a Screen Actors Guild Award. In 2007, he was placed at No. 11 on Channel 4’s 100 Greatest Stand-Ups, and at No. 3 in their 2010 list. In 2010, he was included in the Time 100 list of World’s Most Influential People.

Gervais initially worked in the music industry. He attempted a career as a pop star in the 1980s as the singer of the new-wave act Seona Dancing, and managed the then-unknown band Suede before turning to comedy. He appeared on The 11 O’Clock Show on Channel 4 between 1998 and 2000, garnering a reputation as an outspoken and sharp-witted social provocateur. In 2000, he was given a Channel 4 spoof talk show, Meet Ricky Gervais. He achieved greater mainstream fame the following year with his BBC television mock documentary series The Office, followed by Extras in 2005, both of which he co-wrote and co-directed with Stephen Merchant, and in which he played the lead roles of David Brent (The Office) and Andy Millman (Extras). He starred in the 2016 comedy film David Brent: Life on the Road, which he also wrote and directed.

Gervais began his stand-up career in the late 1990s. He has performed five multinational stand-up comedy tours, and he wrote the Flanimals book series. Gervais, Merchant, and Karl Pilkington created the podcast The Ricky Gervais Show, which has spawned various spin-offs starring Pilkington and produced by Gervais and Merchant. Gervais has also starred in the Hollywood films Ghost Town, the Night at the Museum trilogy, For Your Consideration, and Muppets Most Wanted. He wrote, directed, and starred in The Invention of Lying and the Netflix-released Special Correspondents. He hosted the Golden Globe Awards in 2010, 2011, 2012, 2016, and again in 2020. Gervais also appeared on the game show Child Support. He is also the creator, executive producer, director, and writer of the Netflix comedy series After Life, where he plays the lead role of Tony Johnson.

Gervais attended Whitley Park Infants and Junior Schools and received his secondary education at Ashmead Comprehensive School. After a gap year which he spent working as a gardener at the University of Reading, he attended University College London (UCL) in 1980. He intended to study biology but changed to philosophy after two weeks, and was awarded an upper second-class honours degree in the subject from University of London in 1983. During his time there, he met Jane Fallon, with whom he has been in a relationship since 1982.

In 1983, during his final year as a student at University College London, Gervais and his best friend Bill Macrae formed the new wave pop duo Seona Dancing. They were signed by London Records, which released two of their singles—”More to Lose” and “Bitter Heart”. The songs failed to make the UK Singles Chart. Despite not being successful in the UK, Seona Dancing did manage to score a hit in the Philippines with “More to Lose”. Gervais also worked as the manager for Suede before they became successful in the 1990s.

In 2013, Gervais performed a live tour as David Brent along with his band Foregone Conclusion, Brent’s fictional band in The Office. He and the band performed songs written under the Brent character, including “Equality Street” and “Free Love Freeway”. Gervais also produced a series of YouTube videos, ‘Learn Guitar with David Brent’, featuring acoustic guitar versions of nine songs.

In 2016, as part of the Life on the Road film promotion, Gervais published the David Brent Songbook of 15 songs, which he also recorded for the album Life on the Road as David Brent and Foregone Conclusion.

After the first series of The Office, Gervais and Merchant worked at Xfm in November 2001 for a Saturday radio show, where they began working with Karl Pilkington, who produced the shows and later collaborated with them on their series of podcasts. In October 2017, Gervais began hosting the weekly radio show Ricky Gervais Is Deadly Sirius on Sirius XM, which ran until 2019.

Ricky also did some podcasting featuring Gervais, Merchant, and Karl Pilkington. Throughout January and February 2006 the podcast was consistently ranked the number 1 podcast in the world. It appeared in the 2007 edition of the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s most-downloaded podcast, with an average 261,670 downloads per episode during its first month. Two more series, each with six podcasts, were released between February and September 2006.

In late 2006, three more free podcasts were released. Together called “The Podfather Trilogy”, they debuted individually at Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.These three were known by Gervais and Merchant as “The Fourth Season”. In October 2007 another free full-length podcast was released through iTunes, after being originally given out for free during a performance of Gervais’s Fame stand-up tour in London. On 25 November 2007 Gervais, Merchant and Pilkington released another free podcast of just over one hour.

In August 2008, Gervais, Merchant and Pilkington recorded their fifth series of audiobooks, totalling four chapters, which were released on 16 September 2008, and described as the ‘Guide To…’ series. As of May 2011, there are 12 ‘Guides’ to Medicine, Natural History, Arts, Philosophy, The English, Society, Law & Order, The Future, The Human Body, The Earth, The World Cup 2010, and Comic Relief. The conversations typically begin on topic and go out on tangents about other subjects.

In 2021, Gervais launched a paid-for audio series, Absolutely Mental, of his conversations with philosopher Sam Harris. Season 2 was also launched in 2021, followed by season 3 in March 2022.

Initially Gervais was most famous for the series The Office. The Office started when Stephen Merchant had to make his own short film while on a BBC production course. In August 1999 he made a docu-soap parody, set in an office, with help from Ash Atalla who was shown a 7-minute video called ‘The Seedy Boss’. Thus the character of David Brent was created. Merchant passed this tape on to the BBC’s Head of Entertainment Paul Jackson at the Edinburgh Fringe, who then passed it on to Head of Comedy Jon Plowman, who eventually commissioned a full-pilot script from Merchant and Gervais.

The first six-episode series of The Office aired in the UK in July and August 2001 to little fanfare or attention. Word-of-mouth, repeats, and DVDs helped spread the word, building up momentum and anticipation for the second series, also comprising six episodes. Following the success of The Office’s second series, Gervais was named the most powerful person in TV comedy by Radio Times.

In 2004, The Office won the Golden Globe Award for Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy as well as Best Actor – Television Series Musical or Comedy for Gervais, who said in a 2015 BBC interview that the award was the gateway to America for him.

The Office brand has since been remade for audiences in Sweden, France, Germany, Quebec, Brazil, Chile, The Czech Republic, Finland, India, Israel, Poland and the United States. Gervais and Merchant are producers of the American version, and they also co-wrote the episode “The Convict” for the show’s third season. Gervais has said that the episode “Training” is his favourite, where Brent plays his guitar and sings. In 2021, on the show’s 20th anniversary, he suggested the show would not have been produced in 2021 due to cancel culture: “I mean, now it would be cancelled. I’m looking forward to when they pick out one thing and try to cancel it. Someone said they might try to cancel it one day, and I say, ‘Good let them cancel it—I’ve been paid!’

Ricky also starred in a series called Extras. Extras had its debut on the BBC on 21 July 2005 and was directed by Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant. The sitcom ran for twelve episodes and starred Gervais as Andy Millman, a background artist. Millman is more self-aware and intentionally humorous than Gervais’s The Office character David Brent. Guest stars on the first series of Extras include Ross Kemp, Les Dennis, Patrick Stewart, Vinnie Jones, Samuel L. Jackson, Ben Stiller, Kate Winslet and Francesca Martinez. A second series began on 14 September 2006 in the UK and featured appearances by Daniel Radcliffe, Dame Diana Rigg, Orlando Bloom, Sir Ian McKellen, Chris Martin, Keith Chegwin, Robert Lindsay, Warwick Davis, Ronnie Corbett, Stephen Fry, Richard Briers, Patricia Potter, Sophia Myles, Moira Stuart, David Bowie, Robert De Niro and Jonathan Ross.

A Rolling Stone article remarks that in making Extras, Gervais was influenced by Larry David’s Curb Your Enthusiasm, particularly in the format of celebrities making fools of themselves or subverting their public personas. I might like to add that Gervais don’t shy away from a good old ‘roast’, something that some comedians do, like Don Rickles, when they take the piss out of another celebrity just for fun.

In 2007, Gervais won the Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series for his portrayal of Andy Millman in the second series of Extras. As Gervais was not present at the awards ceremony, the trophy was accepted on his behalf by Steve Carell, the actor who starred as regional manager Michael Scott—the counterpart to Gervais’s David Brent—on the American adaptation of The Office.

The Ricky Gervais Show is an animated TV show that debuted on US cable network HBO on 19 February 2010. In the UK, the first series began airing on 23 April 2010 on Channel 4. The show was developed using original podcast recordings from The Ricky Gervais Show starring Gervais, Stephen Merchant, and Karl Pilkington. After receiving an enthusiastic following in the US, HBO recommissioned the show for a second series, which aired in 2011, and a third series which started airing in April 2012.

Life’s Too Short began airing on BBC Two on 10 November 2011.Gervais and Stephen Merchant wrote this sitcom from an idea by Warwick Davis. It is described by Gervais as being about “the life of a showbiz dwarf” and as “a cross between Extras and The Office”. The show stars actor Davis playing a fictionalised version of himself, as well as Gervais and Merchant. Premium cable channel HBO, which co-produced the series with the BBC, had the US rights and began airing the series on 19 February 2012.

Another of creations was a show called An Idiot Abroad, a travel documentary where a reluctant Karl Pilkington travels around the world, with his reactions to people and places recorded. Occasionally, Gervais and Merchant call to surprise him with a new place to visit or task to do. Pilkington reports back mostly complaining about the situation. Gervais says there is no planning; a camera crew follows his friend around filming for many hours, which Gervais edits down to an hour each episode.

Two series and a Christmas special have aired; series one involves Pilkington visiting the Seven Wonders of the World. In the second show he chooses to complete tasks from a bucket list provided by Gervais and in the special Warwick Davis joins Pilkington on a journey following Marco Polo’s route from Italy to China.

In November 2011, Gervais filmed in London a 35-minute pilot episode for a potential comedy-drama series called Derek, which aired on Channel 4 on 12 April 2012.The pilot is solely written and directed by Gervais and features him in the title role of Derek Noakes, a 49-year-old retirement home worker, who “loves animals, Rolf Harris, Jesus, Deal or No Deal, Million Pound Drop, and Britain’s Got Talent.” The character first appeared in a 2001 Edinburgh Festival Fringe sketch as an aspiring comedian who loves animals and still lives with his mother. Gervais’s co-host Karl Pilkington makes his acting debut as Derek’s friend and facilities-caretaker Dougie who also works in the retirement home. British comedian Kerry Godliman plays Derek’s best friend Hannah and David Earl plays Kev.

Gervais said that the series is about “kindness [being] more important than anything else”. He added “It’s about the forgotten—everyone’s forgotten. It’s all these arbitrary people who didn’t know each other, and they’re in there now because they’re in the last years of their life. And it’s about the people who help them, who themselves are losers and have their own problems. It’s about a bunch of people with nothing, but making the most of it, and they’re together.” He chose to set the sitcom in a retirement home after he watched Secret Millionaire—”It was always these people with huge problems who were helping other people. I thought about having Derek help old people because no one cares about old people in this country … I think it’s perfect for now.”

On 9 May 2018, it was announced that Netflix had given a production order for the first season of the comedy drama After Life. It was created and directed by Gervais, who also starred in it and executive-produced it with Duncan Hayes, with Charlie Hanson as producer; the series premiered on 8 March 2019.On 3 April 2019, Netflix renewed the series for a second season, which launched on 24 April 2020.In May 2020 it was announced that Gervais had signed a new deal with Netflix, including a third season of After Life. Before the announcement Gervais said, “For the first time ever, I would do a series three, because the world’s so rich. I love the characters, I love all the actors in it, I love my character, I love the town, I love the themes… I love the dog!”

Gervais began his stand-up career in the late 1990s. His first successful show was at the Cafe Royal as part of the 2001 Edinburgh Festival Fringe. Titled Rubbernecker, it also featured Jimmy Carr, Robin Ince and Stephen Merchant.

Gervais toured the UK in 2003 with his stand-up show Animals. The Politics tour followed a year later. Both shows were recorded for release on DVD and television broadcast. The third part of the themed live trilogy, Fame, took place in 2007. It started in Glasgow in January and ended in Sheffield in April. Blackpool reported selling out of tickets within 45 minutes of them going on sale.

Ricky Gervais also does stand-up comedy, animation, he writes children’s books and is often a guest on talk shows and sometimes hosts the Golden Globe Awards, etc.

Gervais’s film career has included small roles as the voice of a pigeon, Bugsy, in 2005’s Valiant, as a studio executive in 2006’s For Your Consideration,as museum director Dr. McPhee in 2006’s Night at the Museum and its sequels Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian and Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb, and as “Ferdy the Fence” in the 2007 film Stardust.

Gervais starred in Ghost Town (2008) as a dentist who sees spirits, and was in Lowell, Massachusetts during May 2008 filming his next project, The Invention of Lying (2009), in which he starred alongside Jennifer Garner, Rob Lowe and Louis C.K.. The social comedy was co-written and co-directed by Gervais and Matt Robinson.

Gervais directed and starred in, Special Correspondents, which began filming in May 2015. The comedy stars Eric Bana as a journalist and Gervais as his assistant. They pretend to report news from a war torn country but in actuality they are safe in New York. The film was released on Netflix. Gervais directed and starred in the 2016 film David Brent: Life on the Road, a mockumentary following David Brent, a character first seen in The Office series, as he lives his dream of being a rockstar. On 5 November 2015 Gervais signed up to play Ika Chu, a villainous cat, in an animated film Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank, originally known as Blazing Samurai. The movie is about a dog (Hank) played by Michael Cera, who wants to be a warrior and fights with Ika Chu for the town of Kakamucho.

Gervais has homes in Hampstead, London, and Marlow, Buckinghamshire. He also has an apartment in the Barbizon 63 building in New York City. He has been in a relationship with producer and author Jane Fallon since 1982, and says they chose not to marry because “there’s no point in us having an actual ceremony before the eyes of God because there is no God” or have children because they “didn’t fancy dedicating 16 years of [their] lives … and there are too many children, of course”.

He is a vegan, an atheist and a humanist, and states that he abandoned religion at the age of eight. In December 2010, he wrote an op-ed for The Wall Street Journal defending his atheism. He is an honorary associate of the UK’s National Secular Society and a patron of Humanists UK, a British charity that promotes the humanist worldview and campaigns for a secular state and on human rights issues. On 3 September 2019, he received the 2019 Richard Dawkins Award, which recognises people who proclaim “the values of secularism and rationalism, upholding scientific truths wherever it may lead.” Gervais received the award during a Centre for Inquiry-sponsored ceremony at London’s Troxy Theatre. Dawkins praised Gervais as a “witty hero of atheism and reason.”

Gervais is a fan of the UFC and Reading F.C. He is a music fan and has stated that his hero is David Bowie, with his favourite song being “Letter to Hermione”. He has also stated that his first experience of a live music gig was watching Iggy Pop. In 2013, he wrote that Lou Reed was “one of the greatest artists of our time” following Reed’s death.

Gervais is a fervent supporter of gay rights and has praised the introduction of same-sex marriage in England and Wales as “a victory for all of us”, saying “anything that promotes equality, promotes progress … You can’t take equality ‘too far’.”

Gervais joined Twitter in December 2009 when he first hosted the 66th Golden Globes. After a two-year hiatus, he returned to the platform in September 2011.In 2012, Gervais won a Shorty Award for Lifetime Achievement for his popular presence on social media. As of April 2022 he was followed by 14.7 million fans whom he calls ‘Twonks’.

Gervais uses social media to promote his work to his fans. After ten years he brought back his character Brent on his YouTube channel in a web series Learn Guitar with David Brent. He uses many ways to promote his new series, for example for Derek, he posts contests or questions for his fans.

Gervais uses social media to raise awareness of animal welfare. He tweets links to petitions to rescue animals from captivity, he highlights the plight of animals being used for testing, and he encourages people to adopt dogs instead of buying them from breeders. He won the Genesis Award from the Humane Society in March 2015 for his contribution to raising awareness for animal welfare on social media. In 2014, he was named most influential London Twitter user.

Gervais has cited Laurel & Hardy, Groucho Marx, Peter Cook, and Christopher Guest as significant influences.

Gervais is a supporter of animal rights and has stated that he will leave his fortune to animal charities. Gervais named an Asian black bear, also known as a moonbear, Derek after the protagonist from his series Derek. In December 2013, Gervais bought a $1000 cake shaped like a moonbear to raise funds for Animal Asia. Gervais is active in the prevention of illegal wildlife trade; he supported the handing over of ivory trinkets to the Metropolitan police in London.

In 2015, Gervais donated a signed acoustic guitar to help raise funds for Story Book Farm Primate Sanctuary in Ontario, Canada, with a special call-out to Pockets Warhol. The guitar which was signed by Gervais was purchased by Danny Young from the United Kingdom who has since had the guitar signed by several celebrities in order to raise further funds for the Story Book Farm Primate Sanctuary. Celebrities who signed the guitar include: Brian May, Will Ferrell, Bryan Cranston, Dhani Harrison, Peter Frampton, Ricky Warwick, and Steve Cutts.

In 2017, Gervais was awarded the Lord Houghton Award for Service to Animal Welfare from Animal Defenders International Gervais was also awarded the Humane Society International Cecil Award in 2018 for his frequent social media efforts to end trophy hunting.

Check him out (or not):

Sources: Wikipedia, YouTube, interweb, poetpas

Mother of fact

as a mother of fact
she kept
all her offspring
intact

she fed them
she bathed them
and kept them
in line

they all went
and crossed it
but we think
she’ll be fine

When but

when you think you had enough
but you get much less
when he talks way too much
but you always digress

when you think you’ve made it
but it was never broken
when a lot is discussed
but not much outspoken

when you’re blind to everything
but can hear all the rest
when you gave her a polygraph
but you failed the test

when you think you’ve found the one
but you run into the other
when you’ve found a way out
but you just won’t bother…

Baby bunny

new to life
fearless
yet frail
waggling
it’s tiny tail
freshly furred
brown ha(i)re(d)
and slightly scared
a baby bunny hops
on my grass
mixed with weeds
en masse
as birds sing
and bugs bug
the bunny
freezes
whilst an ugly orange cat
goes into stalking mode

I have to break up the party…

Manchester scareport

you queue
you queue
that’s all you do
they haven’t got a bloody clue

you wait
you wait
you might be late
to get in line for a busy gate

by the time
you do get through
there is yet
another queue

you queue and wait
for miles and miles
you end up nowhere
but with piles

little staff
tight security
I’m going home
I need to pee

April Fewl

April Fewl
was a prankster
who enjoyed
pulling legs
thinking it was cool
but came up short
when she met
her amputated man
who left her clueless
what to do
when he said:
You should’ve worn
your spectacles
before I married you…

First sun

first sun
what fun
no more depression
after spring
has sprung

april is here
flowers in gear
roses coming out
all the children
bloody shout

first sun
such fun
the rays are here
and the noise begun

Mrs Khan

Mrs Khan
had a nasty man
who hit her hard
with a frying pan

he made her weep
and make her sleep
outside with the mice
in a garbage can

she ran away
to the USA
moved to a town
it was called Bomb Bay

there she met
her soulmate me
who made her smile
and feel happy

Wild Will

Will
hit a rock
he was insulted
by a cock
he smacked
him in the gob
for being such
a knob

Will went back
to his chair
and proceeded
to swear
all this fuss
and his cuss
cause his wife
has no hair

Mother

conceive me
carry me
hold me
feed me
need me
raise me
appraise me

stroke me
pet me
affect me
trust me
support me
believe me
perceive me

slap me
confuse me
reject me
eject me
neglect me
excuse me
leave me
be…

Danny the Dalmatian

you’ve spotted me
said Danny
to the overlooking tree

you look
like you are thirsty
so I will kindly wet on thee

I also left you
a fragrance
to freshen up thy bark

so you smell nice
alone
in this landscape oh so stark

Your hairdresser

she knows
all your secrets
your ailments
and pain

she knows
you are human
and need
to complain

she listens
to the hokum
that you
wish to convey

right up to
the moment
when you
have to pay

No fly zone

a fly
couldn’t fly
in a zone
of his own
so he disguised himself
as a book
but his cover was blown

Women

perfect
creations
of a creative
god
creating
precious
pure
emotional
curvy
beings
shining
light
perpetually
yet sometimes
a tad whiny
perhaps regretfully

Comment clan

can I join
your comment clan?
I will be your biggest fan!

only nice things I shall write;
nothing critical
if that’s alright…

Mr Gullible

Mr Gullible
believed every little thing
was true

he believed
that every Indian
was a Sioux
every fuck
a screw
and semen
was glue
every lawyer
named Sue
all faeces
smelled of poo
every Monday
was blue
he could dance
in a canoe
karate
was Kung fu
instead of
Judo
or Jiu Jitsu
that Google
was Yahoo
dementia
deja vu
his expire
overdue
had to pee
at Waterloo
that Tim lived
in Buktu
all he made was gross
revenue
every street
an avenue
any woodland
caribou
and every rat
a kangaroo
a cock
a doodle-doo
every peek
a boo
Bart
was Holomew

Mr Gullible
believed every little thing
was true

What is the antonym for feminism?

Out of sheer curiosity I tried to find out what the antonym or opposite is of feminism.
Seldomly have I come across a more difficult task. Let it be clear that this is not a post where I feel the need to stick up for men.

First of all dictionaries seem to come with only negative antonyms like misogyny, masculism, anti-feminism, bigotry, chauvinism, sexism, cynicism, etc. (negative for/about men).

Let’s focus on the first one:
‘Misogyny is the opposite of feminism, holding the opposite sentiment towards women and their standing, not a parallel, holding the same sentiment towards men as feminism towards women.’

Another antonym defined, masculism: Advocacy of the rights of men; adherence to or promotion of opinions, values, etc., regarded as typical of men; (more generally) anti-feminism, machismo, according to Oxford dictionary.

These all have negative or disrespectful meanings in regard to women. And it
would mean that the antonyms of these antonyms or opposites (going back), thus feminism, would be or have to be also negative?

A professor came up with this:
“Male chauvinism. Since feminism calls for equal rights for women, male chauvinism calls for women to have fewer rights.
Masculism, then, is not an antonym.
Likewise, equality is a synonym, not an antonym!!!”

Equality a synonym for feminism? Isn’t feminism only for women’s rights?

Antonym.com came up with these words: make peace, stay in place, walk, pull, attract, best, worst??? Is that meant for women or men? Weird…
It would make sense in my country however as some women here tend to boss men around, no offence.

Now I am an egalitarian and I am working on my own witty word: equaligist
Yet these words are hardly known or used. That is a sad thing really.

What about men that stick up for themselves but respect respectful women. A malist? Again there is no such word.

Further on the matter there are discussions on forums like Quara. But often they involve personal opinions rather than plain definitions.

Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that feminism by feminists is regarded to be positive whilst the opposite for men is negative. Now how is that for equality…

We are expected

we are expected
to listen well
we are expected
to always tell
we are expected
to be good
we are expected
to eat our food
we are expected
to behave
we are expected
to be brave
we are expected
to be smart
we are expected
not to fart
we are expected
to be fine
we are expected
to stay in line
we are expected
to be kind
we are expected
to be refined
we are expected
to always care
we are expected
to be there
we are expected
to be on time
but I may show up a little later
as I am in need
of committing a crime

Witty word: Sweatheart

Definition for sweatheart
/ swet-hahrt /

Noun
1 either of a pair of lovers in relation to the other whereby one or both smell(s) of BO.

2 an affectionate or familiar term of address when hinting someone needs a shower:
“Hello sweathard, I can tell you’ve been to the gym”.

Informal.
a smelly friendly person.

Origin of sweatheart:
2021; poetpas; Modern English, based on late Middle English

A Nonymous

A Nonymous
was a shy young man
who came up
with a perfect plan

bought a cabin
in the boonies
to keep away
from all the looneys

glued his postbox
shut the blinds
build a fence
and planted mines

he removed himself
from internet
and stayed at home
all day in bed

turned his phone off
night and day
and put a sign up:
“Stay Away!!”

Interview with a zombie

Hi zombie, what is your name?
Zombie: BWAAINEATAHHH

What’s your favorite meal?
Zombie: RAWHFLESJJJJHHH

When did you decide to become a zombie?
Zombie: AFTAHIDIEDHHH

Have you looked in the mirror lately?
Zombie: ITRIEDBHUDDITCRACKEDDD

Do you feel you need some plastic surgery?
Zombie: DUWILUKETHADBADD????

Were you born with a lisp?
Zombie: NOIGOTSHOTINDAMOUTHHFFF

Well thank you kindly for answering these questions. Have you anything to add or say?
Zombie: YEAHITHINKIMAYYTAKEABITEOUTYOURFATARSE

Excuse me? No don’t no NO NOOOO NOOOOOO!

My dying van

goodbye
my carriage of steel
I enjoyed being
behind your wheel

you took me places
of which I’m fond
to the known
the remote and far beyond

you guided me
and carried me far
my dependable confidant
my faithful car

you may be crushed
but you’ll understand
you had to go
amazing friend

we’ve shared some miles
over the years
I say goodbye
I am all in tears

Miss Hayworth

a saucy beast
wanted to feast
put on a dress
but it got creased
when she fell
rolled in the hay
all messed up
to her dismay

her date arrived
a gentle man
his name was Laurel
but she called him Stan

she jumped his bones
and rode him hard
he just laughed
no disregard…

Little one

little one
on her arm
her nana
meant no harm
when she dropped her
on the floor
when granddad
opened the door

little one
broken in two
nana clueless
what to do
granddad said
I’ll fix her up
I’ll just get
some super glue

Arts n Farts

potential rubble
a creative bubble
let it all out
let the wind blow it through

It may end up in a frame
it may come out with poo

Everyone is bored and boring

nobody is crazy anymore
except the crazy
nobody is wild anymore
except the wild

everybody does the same things
every day
everyone sits
in the same chair hooray!

everybody wants change
but fears it more
everyone plays it safe
except the reckless

everyone wants to be happy
all the time
but wanting to be happy
is simply fearing to lose control

everyone wants the best
for the rest
except the selfish
and the ignorant souls

everyone is bored
and boring
how predictable
how adoring…(not)

More flies

more flies
fly in
than they do out

they must like head butting windows
what’s that
all about?

Side effects

the other day
I got a jab,
a vaccine called Pfizer

the nurse said
there’s no side effects
except that I will be much wittier
but none the wiser

Witty word: Daddycation

Definition of daddycation
/dad-ee-kay-shuhn/

Noun
1 the act of daddycating.

2 the state of being daddycated:
She showed total daddycation to her father who did nothing but drink, shout and write poetry.

Origin of daddycation:
2021; poetpas ©; Modern English, based on philosophical wit.

Featuring: Tom Waits

Today I’m featuring this man, this musician (and actor) whom I love for his style and gravelly dark voice, his intelligence and dark humor. Not known to everybody, this extraordinary individual brings with his own distinct, off-kilter brand of weirdness to his music and acts the boozy troubadours and raspy-voiced noir loners who populate his songs. Using his distinct voice, Tom Waits conjures up boozy ballads designed to be played low at 3 a.m. and melodies that might echo off the broken-down rides of an abandoned, haunted carnival. His is an eclectic style, combining blues, jazz, cabaret, Spooky Sounds of Halloween sound effects tapes, and more. This distinct, unmistakable style goes beyond Waits’ musical accomplishments, finding its way into his acting in the two dozen or so film appearances the singer has made.

Thomas Alan Waits (born December 7, 1949) is an American singer, songwriter, musician, composer, and actor. His lyrics often focus on the underbelly of society and are delivered in his trademark deep, gravelly voice. He worked primarily in jazz during the 1970s, but his music since the 1980s has reflected greater influence from blues, rock, vaudeville, and experimental genres.

Waits was born and raised in a middle-class family in Pomona, California. Inspired by the work of Bob Dylan and the Beat Generation, he began singing on the San Diego áfolk music circuit as a teenager. He relocated to Los Angeles in 1972, where he worked as a songwriter before signing a recording contract with Asylum Records. His first albums were the jazz-oriented Closing Time (1973) and The Heart of Saturday Night (1974), which reflected his lyrical interest in nightlife, poverty, and criminality. He repeatedly toured the United States, Europe, and Japan, and attracted greater critical recognition and commercial success with Small Change (1976), Blue Valentine (1978), and Heartattack and Vine (1980). He produced the soundtrack for Francis Ford Coppola’s film One from the Heart (1981), and subsequently made cameo appearances in several Coppola films.

In 1980, Waits married Kathleen Brennan, split from his manager and record label, and moved to New York City. With Brennan’s encouragement and frequent collaboration, he pursued a more experimental and eclectic musical aesthetic influenced by the work of Harry Partch and Captain Beefheart. This was reflected in a series of albums released by Island Records, including Swordfishtrombones (1983), Rain Dogs (1985), and Franks Wild Years (1987). He continued appearing in films, notably starring in Jim Jarmusch’s Down by Law (1986), and also made theatrical appearances. With theatre director Robert Wilson, he produced the musicals The Black Rider and Alice, first performed in Hamburg. Having returned to California in the 1990s, his albums Bone Machine (1992), The Black Rider (1993), and Mule Variations (1999) earned him increasing critical acclaim and multiple Grammy Awards. In the late 1990s, he switched to the record label ANTI-, which released Blood Money (2002), Alice (2002), Real Gone (2004), and Bad as Me (2011).
Despite a lack of mainstream commercial success, Waits has influenced many musicians and gained an international cult following, and several biographies have been written about him. In 2015, he was ranked at No. 55 on Rolling Stone’s “100 Greatest Songwriters of All Time”. He was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 2011.

There is a lot more information to be found on Wikipedia which is too much to mention here and I don’t want to bore readers with endless details. I do suggest you check him out, his music and his acting: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Waits

Sources: Wikipedia, YouTube, interweb, poetpas

Witty word: Vintro

Definition of vintro
/ vin-troh /
Adjective informal
1 vintage retro clothes, music, and junk based on the styles of the past:
all the old stuff his grandma threw out is now being resold in stores classed as vintro

2 denoting something from the past of high quality, especially something representing the best kind of crap:
“Oh how I love these old vitro chairs!!! They are falling apart but I still want them. They will totally fit my decor”

Origin of vintro:
2021; poetpas©; Modern English, based on late Middle English > Latin

How I missed my local pub

stale ale
lager
beer
wine
fine is the atmosphere
pub grub
chunky chips
salt and vinegar crisps
the deep fryer
a smell
I admire
shag carpet
sticky floor
footy on
a brilliant score
let’s cheer
and have another beer
I’ll have a pint
one more
do you mind
dated toilet
within reach
a whiff
of too much bleach
booths with tables
looking like human stables

everyone’s back
everyone’s sappy
everyone’s drunk
and everybody happy

Asparagus pee

I smell
something funny
I smell
something strong
and keep wondering
what could be the odd pong

could it be booze
could it be garlic
Oh piss,
it’s asparagus pee

Running Errand 🏃

Errand
was aroused
and running
from his duties
through and to
a red light
to meet up
with some beauties

when he saw
what he had spent
he soon came
to his senses
Errand chose
to rob the bank
to cover
his expenses

Witty word: Medidrug

Definition of medidrug
/med-i-druhg/

Noun
1 medicine originally prescribed by a doctor or psychiatrist that has become somewhat addictive:
I have to take my Xanax in the morning and my Vicodin at lunch or else I can’t function to take my Oxys later.

2 medication sold on the streets for use of narcotic or stimulant effects, often illegally:
Honey, did you get some Valium to go with the meth at Pablo’s? I need to sleep a couple of hours before I start my new job at the control tower tomorrow.

Origin of medidrug:
2021; poetpas ©; Modern English, based on philosophical wit.

Oh shoot!

Oh shoot!
I got shot
by a suspect
that is hot,
a LongLegged
tall brunette
this shooter
I know not

she fled the scene
it’s really mean
for a cruel
but lovely lass,
yet I will forgive
and marry her
if she takes that cap
out of my ass

Witty word: Billbored

Definition of billbored
/bil bawrd/

Adjective
1 wearied by the dullness of seeing vast amounts of billboards across the countryside whilst traveling:
Mister Barrow and Miss Parker got so billbored with all the signs wherever they drove that it triggered them to commit numerous felonies.

2 fed up off having to pay recurring bills:
After years of paying monthly rent for his trailer and the lease on his pickup Cletus got billbored before he started making moonshine down yonder in order to pay for an accountant to handle his financial affairs.

Origin of billbored:
2021; poetpas ©; Modern English, based on philosophical wit.

The WordPress Zone

There is a sixth dimension
beyond that which is known to man
It is a dimension
as vast as space
and as timeless as infinity

It is the middle ground
between language and emotion
between wit and drama
and it lies between the pit of man’s fears
and the summit of our knowledge

This is the dimension of creativity
It is an area which I call
“The WordPress Zone”

(based on the Twilight Zone intro)

Some advice from Kurt

In 2006 a high school English teacher asked students to write a famous author and ask for advice. Kurt Vonnegut was the only one to respond – and his response is magnificent:

“Dear Xavier High School, and Ms. Lockwood, and Messrs Perin, McFeely, Batten, Maurer and Congiusta:

I thank you for your friendly letters. You sure know how to cheer up a really old geezer (84) in his sunset years. I don’t make public appearances any more because I now resemble nothing so much as an iguana.

What I had to say to you, moreover, would not take long, to wit: Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.

Seriously! I mean starting right now, do art and do it for the rest of your lives. Draw a funny or nice picture of Ms. Lockwood, and give it to her. Dance home after school, and sing in the shower and on and on. Make a face in your mashed potatoes. Pretend you’re Count Dracula.

Here’s an assignment for tonight, and I hope Ms. Lockwood will flunk you if you don’t do it: Write a six line poem, about anything, but rhymed. No fair tennis without a net. Make it as good as you possibly can. But don’t tell anybody what you’re doing. Don’t show it or recite it to anybody, not even your girlfriend or parents or whatever, or Ms. Lockwood. OK?

Tear it up into teeny-weeny pieces, and discard them into widely separated trash receptacals. You will find that you have already been gloriously rewarded for your poem. You have experienced becoming, learned a lot more about what’s inside you, and you have made your soul grow.

God bless you all!”
Kurt Vonnegut

I will be doing a feature post on him another time…

Reading

reading
mind feeding
could be misleading
your brain
into believing
that any written word
is true
a recipe
for subconscious mix up
when gullibility
becomes glue
that ties
likeable
little
latent
lies
together
imbedding
text
lines
letters
headings
in your brain
instilling
dubious snippets
someplace
where my words
just may remain

Witty word: Blastfume

definition for blastfume
/blɑːst fjuːm/

adjective
The expression of great anger in a loud explosive manner:
His whole demeanor consisted of anger portrayed by his never ending blastfume.

verb
The act of forcefully expressing great anger in an loud explosive manner:
The strict reformed minister blastfumed his way through the service speaking only of the devil and hell scaring his god fearing flock of adamant believers.

noun
an amount of gas or vapour that smells strongly after a blast:
The smell of blastfume seemed rather overwhelming after Canis Lupus threw a stick of ACME dynamite at Roadrunner upon hearing the recurring sound “meep meep”, which drove him crazy in contrast to what viewers thought was the reason for chasing him all these years.

origin of blastfume:
2021; poetpas ©; Modern English, Roadrunner, based on philosophical wit.

Ole Dan Tucker

Old Dan Tucker was a fine old man
Washed his face with a fryin’ pan
Combed his hair with a wagon wheel
And died with a toothache in his heel

Get out the way old Dan Tucker,
You’re too late to get your supper,
Supper’s over, and dinner’s cookin’,
Old Dan Tucker just stands there lookin

Old Dan Tucker come to town
Riding a billy goat, leading a hound
The hound dog barked and billy goat jumped
And landed old Tucker on a stump

Get out the way old Dan Tucker,
You’re too late to get your supper,
Supper’s over, and dinner’s cookin’,
Old Dan Tucker just stands there lookin

Old Dan Tucker got drunk an fell
In the fire and kicked up holy hell
A red-hot coal got in his shoe
An oh my Lord the ashes flew

Get out the way old Dan Tucker,
You’re too late to get your supper,
Supper’s over, and dinner’s cookin’,
Old Dan Tucker just stands there lookin

Now Old Dan Tucker come to town
Swinging them ladies all round
First to the right an then to the left
Then to the gal that he loved best

Get out the way old Dan Tucker,
You’re too late to get your supper,
Supper’s over, and dinner’s cookin’,
Old Dan Tucker just stands there lookin

Songwriter: Mister Edwards, Walnut Grove
(truthfully Dan Emmett)

Witty word: Mallcontent

Definition for mallcontent
/ malkənˈtɛnt /

adjective
in a state of peaceful happiness whilst shopping in a large enclosed area from which traffic is excluded:
Finally being able to go shopping without getting wet, Ethel was so happy that she felt mallcontent

noun
Everything within the confines of a shopping mall:
The mallcontent consist of a various products, all displayed in spaces called stores where a person needs to flash cash before they can take it.

Origin of mallcontent:
2021; poetpas ©; Modern English, based on philosophical wit.

Witty word: Mindfullmess

Definition for mindfullmess
/ mahynd-fuhl-mes /

Noun

1 a mind full of messy thoughts:
the only things that came to mind were the scruffy laundry rooms of the unkind

2 the quality or state of being conscious or aware of something dirty or messy:
my mindfullmess takes me to places in my mind where everything is mixed up and chaotic

Psychology

a mental state achieved by focusing one’s awareness of all the mess of the present moment, while calmly acknowledging and accepting one’s feelings, thoughts, and other crap.

Origin of mindfullmess
2021; poetpas ©; Modern English, based on philosophical wit.

Witty word: Permanend

Definition for permanend
/ pur-muh-nuhnd /

Adjective
1 in constant or indefinite state of an end or ending:
his life seemed to be one long permanend drag

Noun
1 the bottom or end part of a permanent wave where hair seems to be shriveled up to bits:
she was so beautiful but her permanend made her look like a poodle

2 perpetual state or declining condition of something:
despite all warnings the human species kept destroying the earth driven by greed for personal gain and by producing more humans and human waste, leaving it in a permanend state of decay

Origin of permanend
2021; poetpas ©; Modern English, based on late Middle English > Latin

Poetry

blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah
yawn

blah blah
blah blah blah blah
blah
yawn

blah
blah blah
blah blah blah blah
yawn

blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah
blah blah
yawn

Featuring: God

Today I will be featuring God. This is not meant to be a religious, atheist or agnostic post but a general and neutral reflection of his possible existence, presence or absence…

When you look on the internet for research or information it doesn’t say where he came from or when. When you do try to find out it links you to when Jesus was born.
On some sites it becomes a religious debate. Some think he’s always been there and some think he doesn’t exist. Most people think God is male though rather than female. Both could be true or both could not be true. Even if he doesn’t exist I do believe he has the largest fanbase in the world. And a lot of great and famous musicians wrote songs about him.

When one wonders about the existence of God one could himself ask many questions. Where is God? Does he live in heaven? Does he monitor more planets? Does he rule the universe? Can he see everything? Why doesn’t he talk? How old is he? How big is he? Is he still alive? How can he let bad things happen even if one asks for forgiveness? Is he friends with the Greek or Viking gods or does he rule them? Can God be objective? Does he have a black sense of humor? Does he have more kids besides Jesus? When will he come back? Does he send unidentified flying objects to check up on us? Is the devil his twin brother who took the wrong turn?

According to Wikipedia, God, in monotheistic thought, is conceived of as the supreme being, creator, and principal object of faith. God is usually conceived of as being omnipotent (all-powerful), omniscient (all-knowing), omnipresent (all-present) and omnibenevolent (all-good) as well as having an eternal and necessary existence. God is most often held to be incorporeal (immaterial). God’s incorporeality or corporeality is related to conceptions of God’s transcendence (being outside nature) or immanence (being in nature); Chinese theology exhibits a synthesis of both notions.

Some religions describe God without reference to gender, while others use terminology that is gender-specific and gender-biased. God has been conceived as either personal or impersonal. In theism, God is the creator and sustainer of the universe, while in deism, God is the creator, but not the sustainer, of the universe. In pantheism, God is the universe itself. Atheism is an absence of belief in God, while agnosticism deems the existence of God unknown or unknowable. God has also been conceived as the source of all moral obligation, and the “greatest conceivable existent”. Many notable philosophers have developed arguments for and against the existence of God.

Monotheistic religions refer to their god using various names, some referring to cultural ideas about their god’s identity and attributes. In ancient Egyptian Atenism, possibly the earliest recorded monotheistic religion, this deity was called Aten and proclaimed to be the one “true” Supreme Being and creator of the universe. In the Hebrew Bible and Judaism, the names of God include Elohim, Adonai, YHWH (Hebrew: יהוה‎) and others. Yahweh and Jehovah, possible vocalizations of YHWH, are used in Christianity. In the Christian doctrine of the Trinity, one God coexists in three “persons” called the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. In Islam, the name Allah is used, while Muslims also use a multitude of titles for God. In Hinduism, Brahman is often considered a monistic concept of God. In Chinese religion, Shangdi is conceived as the progenitor (first ancestor) of the universe, intrinsic to it and constantly bringing order to it. Other names for God include Baha in the Baháʼí Faith,Waheguru in Sikhism, Ahura Mazda in Zoroastrianism, and Sang Hyang Widhi Wasa in Balinese Hinduism.

It is fair to say that God had and has a great impact on many and society as a whole. Belief gave people hope and took them away from fear. Others were brought up with strict doctrine and God fearing in the literal sense of the word. Some people have led good lives through it and others started wars in the name of God. Where is he now and what will be the significance of God in the future? God only knows https://youtu.be/AifqxMaURFI

Disclaimer: Please note that this is meant to be a lighthearted post and although comments are open this is not discussion forum about God. The questions in this post are rhetorical. I respect all religions and it’s believers!

You may (not) want to check this out:

Sources: Wikipedia, interweb, YouTube, poetpas

The new guys’ bedding

when his sheets turn
from soft to hard
and you’re wondering
if they’re cheap or lard

when his blankets smell
of beer and piss
you could ask him
what the hell is this

when his bedding goes
from white to yellow
you may want to leave
the grubby fellow

and when it smells
both sweet and sour
I would leave
within the hour

Jim’s jar

neglected as he felt
his heart began to melt
at the sight
of your incredible beauty
shining through
your inconsistent nature
and daunted courage
with which you held
the broken pieces
of Jim
in a jar
transparent
yet fragile

until you dropped it…

Test date

when you first meet me
you’ll do your best
when you first date me
you may do a test

it could be a multiple choice
between me and another
I may deliberately flunk
so you can pick my twin brother

Featuring: Jello Biafra

During my punk days in the good old eighties I stumbled across many bands that influenced my rebellious character and thinking. Amongst them were the Sex Pistols, The Exploited, The Clash, Seven Seconds, GBH, Black Flag and the Dead Kennedys. The latter always left an impression on me, not only for the music but for the critical ethos of frontman Jello Biafra. After a few decades of listening to other music I came across him once again, but now more as a (political) critic rather than a musician. He is perhaps not known to many so I shall feature him in this post.

Eric Reed Boucher (born 1958), better known by his professional name Jello Biafra, is an American singer, musician, and spoken word artist. He is the former lead singer and songwriter for the San Francisco punk rock band Dead Kennedys.
Initially active from 1979 to 1986, Dead Kennedys were known for rapid-fire music topped with Biafra’s sardonic lyrics and biting social commentary, delivered in his “unique quiver of a voice.” When the band broke up in 1986, he took over the influential independent record label Alternative Tentacles, which he had founded in 1979 with Dead Kennedys bandmate East Bay Ray. In a 2000 lawsuit, upheld on appeal in 2003 by the California Supreme Court, Biafra was found liable for breach of contract, fraud and malice in withholding a decade’s worth of royalties from his former bandmates and ordered to pay over $200,000 in compensation and punitive damages; the band subsequently reformed without Biafra. Although now focused primarily on spoken word performances, Biafra has continued as a musician in numerous collaborations. He has also occasionally appeared in cameo roles in films.
Politically, Biafra is a member of the Green Party of the United States and supports various political causes. He ran for the party’s presidential nomination in the 2000 presidential election, finishing a distant second to Ralph Nader. In 1979 he ran for mayor of San Francisco, California. He is a staunch believer in a free society, and utilizes shock value and advocates direct action and pranksterism in the name of political causes. Biafra is known to use absurdist media tactics, in the leftist tradition of the Yippies, to highlight issues of civil rights and social justice.

Born in Boulder, Colorado, Boucher developed an interest in international politics that was encouraged by his parents. An avid news watcher, one of his earliest memories was of the John F. Kennedy assassination. Biafra says he has been a fan of rock music since first hearing it in 1965, when his parents accidentally tuned in to a rock radio station. Boucher ignored his high school guidance counselor’s advice that he spend his adolescence preparing to become a dental hygienist.
He began his career in music in January 1977 as a roadie for the punk rock band The Ravers (who later changed their name to The Nails), soon joining his friend John Greenway in a band called The Healers. The Healers became well known locally for their mainly improvised lyrics and avant garde music. In the autumn of that year, he began attending the University of California, Santa Cruz.

In June 1978, he responded to an advertisement placed in a store by guitarist East Bay Ray, stating; “guitarist wants to form punk band,” and together they formed the Dead Kennedys. He began performing with the band under the stage name Occupant, but soon began to use his current stage name, a combination of the brand name Jell-O and the short-lived African state Biafra. The band’s lyrics were written by Biafra. The lyrics were mostly political in nature and displayed a sardonic, sometimes absurdist, sense of humor despite their serious subject matter. In the tradition of UK anarcho-punk bands like Crass and the Subhumans, the Dead Kennedys were one of the first US punk bands to write politically themed songs. The lyrics Biafra wrote helped popularize the use of humorous lyrics in punk and other types of hard-core music. Biafra cites Joey Ramone as the inspiration for his use of humor in his songs (as well as being the musician who made him interested in punk rock), noting in particular songs by the Ramones such as “Beat on the Brat” and “Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue”.

Biafra initially attempted to compose music on guitar, but his lack of experience on the instrument and his own admission of being “a fumbler with my hands” led Dead Kennedys bassist Klaus Flouride to suggest that Biafra simply sing the parts he envisioned to the band. Biafra sang his riffs and melodies into a tape recorder, which he brought to the band’s rehearsal and/or recording sessions. This later became a problem when the other members of the Dead Kennedys sued Biafra over royalties and publishing rights. By all accounts, including his own, Biafra is not a conventionally skilled musician, though he and his collaborators (Joey Shithead of D.O.A. in particular) attest that he is a skilled composer and his work, particularly with the Dead Kennedys, is highly respected by punk-oriented critics and fans.

Biafra’s first popular song was the first single by the Dead Kennedys, “California Über Alles.” The song, which spoofed California governor Jerry Brown, was the first of many political songs by the group and Biafra. Not long after, the Dead Kennedys had a second and bigger hit with “Holiday in Cambodia” from their debut album Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables. AllMusic cites this song as “possibly the most successful single of the American hardcore scene” and Biafra counts it as his personal favorite Dead Kennedy’s song. Minor hits from the album included “Kill the Poor” (about potential abuse of the then-new neutron bomb) and a satirical cover of Elvis Presley’s “Viva Las Vegas.” The Dead Kennedys received some controversy in the spring of 1981 over the single “Too Drunk to Fuck.” The song became a hit in Britain, and the BBC feared that it would manage to be a big enough hit to appear among the top 30 songs on the national charts, requiring a mention on Top of the Pops. However, the single peaked at number 31 in the charts.

Later albums also contained memorable songs, but with less popularity than the earlier ones. The EP In God We Trust, Inc. contained the song “Nazi Punks Fuck Off!” as well as “We’ve Got A Bigger Problem Now,” a rewritten version of “California Über Alles” about Ronald Reagan. Punk musician and scholar Vic Bondi considers the latter song to be the song that “defined the lyrical agenda of much of hardcore music, and represented its break with punk”. The band’s most controversial album, Frankenchrist, brought with it the song “MTV Get Off the Air,” which accused MTV of promoting poor quality music and sedating the public. The album also contained a controversial poster by Swiss surrealist artist H. R. Giger entitled Penis Landscape.
The Dead Kennedys toured widely during their career, starting in the late 1970s. They began playing at San Francisco’s Mabuhay Gardens (their home base) and other Bay Area venues, later branching out to shows in southern Californian clubs (most notably the Whisky a Go Go), but eventually they moved to major clubs across the country, including CBGB in New York. Later, they played to larger audiences such as at the 1980 Bay Area Music Award, and headlined the 1983 Rock Against Reagan festival.

On May 7, 1994, punk rock fans who believed Biafra was a “sell out” attacked him at the 924 Gilman Street club in Berkeley, California. Biafra claims that he was attacked by a man nicknamed Cretin, who crashed into him while moshing. The crash injured Biafra’s leg, causing an argument between the two men. During the argument, Cretin pushed Biafra to the floor and five or six friends of Cretin assaulted Biafra while he was down, yelling “Sellout rock star, kick him,” and attempting to pull out his hair. Biafra was later hospitalized with serious injuries. The attack derailed Biafra’s plans for both a Canadian spoken-word tour and an accompanying album, and the production of Pure Chewing Satisfaction was halted. However, Biafra returned to the Gilman club a few months after the incident to perform a spoken-word performance as an act of reconciliation with the club.

Biafra has been a prominent figure of the Californian punk scene and was one of the third generation members of the San Francisco punk community. Many later hardcore bands have cited the Dead Kennedys as a major influence. Hardcore punk author Steven Blush describes Biafra as hardcore’s “biggest star” who was a “powerful presence whose political insurgence and rabid fandom made him the father figure of a burgeoning subculture and a inspirational force who could also be a real prick … Biafra was a visionary, incendiary performer”.

After the Dead Kennedys disbanded, Biafra’s new songs were recorded with other bands, and he released only spoken word albums as solo projects. These collaborations had less popularity than Biafra’s earlier work. However, his song “That’s Progress”, originally recorded with D.O.A. for the album Last Scream of the Missing Neighbors, received considerable exposure when it appeared on the album Rock Against Bush, Vol. 1.

In 1998, three former members of the Dead Kennedys sued Biafra for nonpayment of royalties. The other members of Dead Kennedys alleged that Biafra, in his capacity as the head of Alternative Tentacles records, discovered an accounting error amounting to some $75,000 in unpaid royalties over almost a decade. Rather than informing his bandmates of this mistake, the suit alleged, Biafra knowingly concealed the information until a whistleblower employee at the record label notified the band. According to Biafra, the suit resulted from his refusal to allow one of the band’s most well-known singles, “Holiday in Cambodia”, to be used in a commercial for Levi’s Dockers; Biafra opposes Levi’s because of his belief that they use unfair business practices and sweatshop labor. Biafra maintained that he had never denied them royalties, and that he himself had not even received royalties for re-releases of their albums or “posthumous” live albums which had been licensed to other labels by the Decay Music partnership. Decay Music denied this charge and have posted what they say are his cashed royalty checks, written to his legal name of Eric Boucher. Biafra also complained about the songwriting credits in new reissues and archival live albums of songs, alleging that he was the sole composer of songs that were wrongly credited to the entire band.
In May 2000, a jury found Biafra and Alternative Tentacles liable by not promptly informing his former bandmates of the accounting error and instead withholding the information during subsequent discussions and contractual negotiations. Biafra was ordered to pay $200,000, including $20,000 in punitive damages. After an appeal by Biafra’s lawyers, in June 2003, the California Court of Appeal unanimously upheld all the conditions of the 2000 verdict against Biafra and Alternative Tentacles. Furthermore, the plaintiffs were awarded the rights to most of Dead Kennedys recorded works—which accounted for about half the sales for Alternative Tentacles. Now in control of the Dead Kennedys name, Biafra’s former bandmates went on tour with a new lead vocalist.

As of late 2005, Biafra was performing with the band The Melvins under the name “Jello Biafra and the Melvins”, though fans sometimes refer to them as “The Jelvins.” Together they have released two albums, and worked on material for a third collaborative release, much of which was premiered live at two concerts at the Great American Music Hall in San Francisco during an event called Biafra Five-O, commemorating Biafra’s 50th birthday, the 30th anniversary of the founding of the Dead Kennedys, and the beginning of legalized same-sex marriage in California. Biafra was also working with a band known as Jello Biafra and the Guantanamo School of Medicine.

In June 1979, Biafra co-founded the record label Alternative Tentacles, with which the Dead Kennedys released their first single, “California Über Alles”. The label was created to allow the band to release albums without having to deal with pressure from major labels to change their music, although the major labels were not willing to sign the band due to their songs being deemed too controversial. After dealing with Cherry Red in the UK and IRS Records in the US for their first album Fresh Fruit for Rotting Vegetables, the band released all later albums, and later pressings of Fresh Fruit on Alternative Tentacles. The exception being live albums released after the band’s break-up, which the other band members compiled from recordings in the band partnership’s vaults without Biafra’s input or endorsement. Biafra has been the owner of the company since its founding, though he does not receive a salary for his position; Biafra has referred to his position in the company as “absentee thoughtlord”.

Biafra is an ardent collector of unusual vinyl records of all kinds, from 1950s and 1960s ethno-pop recordings by the likes of Les Baxter and Esquivel to vanity pressings that have circulated regionally, to German crooner Heino (for whom he would later participate in the documentary Heino: Made In Germany); he cites his always growing collection as one of his biggest musical influences.

Biafra became a spoken word artist in January 1986 with a performance at University of California, Los Angeles. In his performance he combined humor with his political beliefs, much in the same way that he did with the lyrics to his songs. Despite his continued spoken word performances, he did not begin recording spoken word albums until after the disbanding of the Dead Kennedys.
His ninth spoken word album, In the Grip of Official Treason, was released in October 2006. Biafra was also featured in the British band Pitchshifter’s song As Seen on TV reciting the words of dystopian futuristic radio advertisements.

Biafra was an anarchist in the 1980s, but has shifted away from his former anti-government views. In a 2012 interview, Biafra said “I’m very pro-tax as long as it goes for the right things. I don’t mind paying more money as long as it’s going to provide shelter for people sleeping in the street or getting the schools fixed back up, getting the infrastructure up to the standards of other countries, including a high speed rail system. I’m totally down with that.”

In 2000, the New York State Green Party drafted Biafra as a candidate for the Green Party presidential nomination, and a few supporters were elected to the party’s nominating convention in Denver, Colorado. Biafra chose death row inmate Mumia Abu-Jamal as his running mate. The party overwhelmingly chose Ralph Nader as the presidential candidate with 295 of the 319 delegate votes. Biafra received 10 votes.
Biafra, along with a camera crew (dubbed by Biafra as “The Camcorder Truth Jihad”), later reported for the Independent Media Center at the Republican and Democratic conventions.

After losing the 2000 nomination, Jello became highly active in Ralph Nader’s presidential campaign, as well as in 2004 and 2008. During the 2008 campaign Jello played at rallies and answered questions for journalists in support of Ralph Nader. When gay rights activists accused Nader of costing Al Gore the 2000 election, Biafra reminded them that Tipper Gore’s Parents Music Resource Center wanted warning stickers on albums with homosexual content.
After Barack Obama won the general election, Jello wrote an open letter making suggestions on how to run his term as president. Biafra criticized Obama during his term, stating that “Obama even won the award for best advertising campaign of 2008.” Biafra dubbed Obama “Barackstar O’Bummer”. Biafra refused to support Obama in 2012. Biafra has stated that he feels that Obama continued many of George W. Bush’s policies, summarizing Obama’s policies as containing “worse and worse laws against human rights and more and more illegal unconstitutional spying.”

On September 18, 2015, it was announced that Jello would be supporting Bernie Sanders in his campaign for the 2016 presidential election. He has strongly criticised the political position of Donald Trump, saying “how can people be so fucking stupid” on hearing the election result, and later adding “The last person we want with their finger on the nuclear button is somebody connected to this extreme Christianist doomsday cult.”

On February 28, 2020, Jello announced that he would be supporting both Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders in the 2020 presidential election. “I personally like Warren slightly better than Bernie because: 1) She’s done her homework. Bernie too, but not to quite the same depth or degree. 2) Think about it — who really has a better chance of actually beating Trump, and helping flip Congress and state legislatures? It’s Elizabeth Warren, hands down.” He went on to say that he considered Joe Biden and Mike Bloomberg “almost as bad as Trump.”
On April 12, 2020, Jello expressed disappointment that Bernie Sanders had suspended his campaign for the 2020 Democratic Nomination.

For me a thinker, a watcher, a critic, debater – people we need on the other side that create political awareness and rebel against the (failed) system…

Check him out(or not):

Sources: Wikipedia, YouTube, interweb, poetpas

Why o why

why do I think with 90% of the people I meet “where did you go wrong”
why did I think anyone was ever right (except me)
why do most people believe a lot of what has been written
why do people read anything that’s been written
why do people read anything I have ever written
why do people expect you to sit in the same chair forever after you sit in it twice
why do people hate you if you sit in their chair more than twice
why can women wear pants but men can’t wear dresses without being stared at
why do women wear pants if they can wear dresses
why do men behave like animals
why am I happy that animals are not like men
why do people listen to the radio listening to the same old songs for 50 years
why does anyone want to turn on a radio
why does anyone want to own one
why do dogs lick their balls (because they can)
why do kids always scream when they play on the school yard
why do people still have kids anyway (there are condoms now)
why are there still borders
why are there still orders
why aren’t we all friends
why can’t we make amends
why does money ruin everything
why don’t billionaires give away 75% of what they have to the less fortunate
why I should think not as it would also ruin the less fortunate lives
why do we have to work most of our lives
why do we work to survive when we know we won’t
why do we want to control the weather
why do you want to control anything
why don’t we accept we lose control of everything
why don’t we realize we already have lost control of nothing
why do we expect more than we can offer
why do we need to need
why do we feed this need
why did I write this
why o why

DISHCLAIMER: THESE ARE NOT ACTUAL QUESTIONS, JUST THOUGHT PROVOKING PHILOSOPHICAL WIT!

Cynical sarcasm

mental spasm
cynical sarcasm
acrimonious spout
triggering my senses
you draw them all out

rattling my cage
you challenge
my mood
but I just ignore
your predictable attitude

persistent
bitter derision
ironical taunt
I struggle to ignore
your pitiful flaunt

you’ve gone too far
you crossed the line
please go to bed
after you finish
your w(h)ine

Featuring: Rik Mayall

To continue my Featuring series I will be featuring nobody less than Rik Mayall.
This comedian had a huge impact on British comedy and did as well on me. Often working with Ade Edmondson he is mostly known for the series The Young Ones and Bottom which I would like to describe as anarchistic slapstick. Rik Mayall’s briljant sense of black humor is right up my street. Sadly, like many others great ones he left our mortal coil too soon…

Richard Michael Mayall (7 March 1958 – 9 June 2014) was an English stand-up comedian, actor and writer. Mayall formed a close partnership with Ade Edmondson while they were students at Manchester University and was a pioneer of alternative comedy in the 1980s.
Mayall starred in numerous cult classic sitcoms throughout his career, including The Young Ones, The Comic Strip Presents…, Blackadder, Filthy Rich & Catflap, The New Statesman, Bottom and Believe Nothing. Mayall also starred in the comedy films Drop Dead Fred and Guest House Paradiso, and won a Primetime Emmy Award for his voice-over work in The Willows in Winter. His comedic style was described as energetic “post-punk”.

Rik Mayall was born on 7 March 1958 at 98 Pittmans Field in Harlow.
He had an older brother, Anthony, and two younger sisters, Libby and Kate. When Mayall was three years old, he and his parents—who taught drama—moved to Droitwich Spa, Worcestershire, where he spent the rest of his childhood and performed in his parents’ plays.
He attended King’s School, Worcester, where he obtained a free scholarship and failed most of his O-levels and scraped through A-levels. In 1975, Mayall went to the University of Manchester to study drama. He has claimed that he failed his degree, or that he did not even turn up to his finals but in reality he graduated with lower second-class honours in 1978. It was there that he met his future comedy partner Ade Edmondson, Ben Elton, a fellow student, and Lise Mayer, with whom he later co-wrote The Young Ones.

Edmondson and Mayall gained their reputation at The Comedy Store, from 1980. Apart from performing in their double act, 20th Century Coyote, Mayall developed solo routines, using characters such as Kevin Turvey and a pompous anarchist poet named Rick. This led to Edmondson and Mayall, along with Comedy Store compere Alexei Sayle and other upcoming comedians, including Nigel Planer, Peter Richardson, French and Saunders, Arnold Brown and Pete Richens, setting up their own comedy club called “The Comic Strip” in the Raymond Revuebar, a strip club in Soho. Mayall’s Kevin Turvey character gained a regular slot in A Kick Up the Eighties, first broadcast in 1981. He appeared as “Rest Home” Ricky in Richard O’Brien’s Shock Treatment, a sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. He played Dentonvale’s resident attendant as the love interest to Nell Campbell’s Nurse Ansalong.

Mayall’s television appearances as Kevin Turvey led to a mockumentary based on the character titled Kevin Turvey – The Man Behind The Green Door, broadcast in 1982. The previous year, he appeared in a bit role in An American Werewolf in London. His stage partnership with Edmondson continued, with them often appearing together as “The Dangerous Brothers”, hapless daredevils whose hyper-violent antics foreshadowed their characters in Bottom. Channel 4 offered the Comic Strip group six short films, which became The Comic Strip Presents…, debuting on 2 November 1982. The series, which continued sporadically for many years, saw Mayall play a wide variety of roles. It was known for anti-establishment humour and for parodies such as Bad News on Tour, a spoof “rockumentary” starring Mayall, Richardson, Edmondson and Planer as a heavy metal band.
At the time The Comic Strip Presents… was negotiated, the BBC took an interest in The Young Ones, a sitcom written by Mayall and his then-girlfriend Lise Mayer, in the same anarchic vein as Comic Strip. Ben Elton joined the writers. The series was commissioned and first broadcast in 1982, shortly before Comic Strip. Mayall played Rick, a pompous sociology student and Cliff Richard devotee. Mayall maintained his double-act with Edmondson, who starred as violent punk Vyvyan. Nigel Planer (as hippie Neil) and Christopher Ryan also starred, with additional material written and performed by Alexei Sayle.
The first series was successful and a second was screened in 1984. The show owed a comic debt to Spike Milligan, but Milligan disapproved of Mayall’s style of performance. Milligan once wrote: “Rik Mayall is putrid – absolutely vile. He thinks nose-picking is funny and farting and all that. He is the arsehole of British comedy.”
In 1986, Mayall played the private detective in the video of “Peter Gunn” by Art of Noise featuring Duane Eddy.

Mayall continued to work on The Comic Strip films. He returned to stand-up comedy, performing on Saturday Live—a British version of the American Saturday Night Live—first broadcast in 1985. He and Edmondson had a regular section as “The Dangerous Brothers”, their earlier stage act. In 1985, Mayall debuted another comic creation. He had appeared in the final episode of the first series of Blackadder as “Mad Gerald”. He returned to play Lord Flashheart in the Blackadder II episode titled “Bells”. A descendant of this character, Squadron Commander Flashheart, was in the Blackadder Goes Forth episode “Private Plane”. In the same episode, he was reunited with Edmondson, who played German flying ace Baron von Richthofen the “Red Baron”, in a scene where he comes to rescue Captain Blackadder from the Germans. A decade later, Mayall also appeared in Blackadder: Back & Forth as Robin Hood.

In 1986, Mayall joined Planer, Edmondson and Elton to star as Richie Rich in Filthy Rich & Catflap, which was billed as a follow-up to The Young Ones. The idea of Filthy Rich and Catflap was a reaction to comments made by Jimmy Tarbuck about The Young Ones. The series’ primary focus was to highlight the “has been” status of light entertainment. While Mayall received positive critical reviews, viewing figures were poor and the series was never repeated on the BBC. In later years, release on video, DVD and repeats on UK TV found a following. Mayall suggested that the series did not last because he was uncomfortable acting in an Elton project, when they had been co-writers on The Young Ones. In the same year, Mayall had a No. 1 hit in the UK Singles Chart, when he and his co-stars from The Young Ones teamed with Cliff Richard to record “Living Doll” for the inaugural Comic Relief campaign. Mayall played Rick one last time in the Comic Relief stage-show and supported the Comic Relief cause for the rest of his life. 1987 saw Mayall co-star with Edmondson in one episode of the ITV sitcom Hardwicke House, although adverse reaction from press and viewers saw ITV withdraw the series after two episodes, leaving their appearance unbroadcast. He appeared on the children’s television series Jackanory. His crazed portrayal of Roald Dahl’s George’s Marvellous Medicine proved memorable. However, the BBC received complaints “with viewers claiming both story and presentation to be both dangerous and offensive”.

In 1987, Mayall played fictional Conservative MP Alan Beresford B’Stard in the sitcom The New Statesman written by Laurence Marks and Maurice Gran. The character was a satirical portrait of Tory MPs in the United Kingdom in the 1980s and early 1990s. The programme ran for four series—incorporating two BBC specials—between 1987 and ’94 and was successful critically and in the ratings. In a similar vein to his appearance on Jackanory, in 1989 Mayall starred in a series of bit shows for ITV called Grim Tales, in which he narrated Grimm Brothers fairy tales while puppets acted the stories. In the early 1990s, Mayall starred in humorous adverts for Nintendo games and consoles. With money from the ads, he bought his house in London which he called “Nintendo Towers”.

In 1991, Edmondson and Mayall co-starred in the West End production of Beckett’s Waiting for Godot at the Queen’s Theatre, with Mayall playing Vladimir, Edmondson as Estragon and Christopher Ryan as Lucky. Here they came up with the idea for Bottom, which they said was a cruder cousin to Waiting for Godot. Bottom was commissioned by the BBC and three series were shown between 1991 and 1995. Mayall appeared in Bottom as Richard ‘Richie’ Richard alongside Edmondson’s Eddie Elizabeth Hitler. The series featured slapstick violence taken to new extremes, and gained a strong cult following.
In 1993, following the second series, Mayall and Edmondson decided to take a stage-show version of the series on a national tour, Bottom: Live. It was a commercial success, filling large venues. Four additional stage shows were embarked upon in 1995, 1997, 2001 and 2003, each meeting with great success. The violent nature of these shows saw both Edmondson and Mayall ending up in hospital at various points. A film version, Guest House Paradiso, was released in 1999. A fourth TV series was also written, but not commissioned by the BBC.
Mayall starred alongside Phoebe Cates in Drop Dead Fred (1991) as the eponymous character, a troublesome imaginary friend who reappears from a woman’s childhood. He also appeared in Carry On Columbus (1992) with other alternative comedians. Mayall also provided the voice of the character Froglip, the prince of the goblins, in the 1992 animated film adaption of the 1872 children’s tale The Princess and the Goblin by George MacDonald. In 1993, he appeared in Rik Mayall Presents, six individual comedy dramas (Micky Love / Briefest Encounter / Dancing Queen / The Big One / Dirty Old Town / Clair de Lune). Mayall’s performances won him a Best Comedy Performer award at that year’s British Comedy Awards, and a second series of three was broadcast in early 1995. He provided the voice for Little Sod in Simon Brett’s How to Be a Little Sod, written in 1991 and adapted as ten consecutive episodes broadcast by the BBC in 1995. In the early 1990s, he auditioned for the roles of Banzai, Zazu and Timon in The Lion King (1994); he was asked to audition by lyricist Tim Rice, but the role of Zazu finally went to Rowan Atkinson.

In 1995, Mayall featured in a production of the play Cell Mates alongside Stephen Fry. Not long into the run, Fry had a nervous breakdown and fled to Belgium, where he remained for several days, and the play closed early. In 2007, Mayall said of the incident: “You don’t leave the trenches … selfishness is one thing, being a cunt is another. I mustn’t start that war again.” Edmondson poked fun at the event during their stage tours. In Bottom Live: The Big Number Two Tour, after Mayall gave mocking gestures to the audience and insulted their town in a silly voice, Edmondson said, “Have you finished yet? It’s just I’m beginning to understand why Stephen Fry fucked off.” In Bottom Live 2003: Weapons Grade Y-Fronts Tour, after Richie accidentally fondles Eddie, he replies, “I see why Stephen Fry left that play.” Towards the end of the Cell Mates run, Mayall revealed a replica gun—a prop from the play—to a passer-by in the street. Mayall was cautioned over the incident and later conceded that this was “incredibly stupid, even by my standards”. From 1999, Mayall was the voice of the black-headed seagull Kehaar, in the first and second series of the animated television programme, Watership Down. In the late 1990s Mayall was featured in a number of adverts for Virgin Trains.
In 1998, Mayall was involved in a serious quad bike accident. The pair wrote the first draft of their feature film Guest House Paradiso while Mayall was still hospitalised. They planned to co-direct, but Edmondson took on the duties himself. Mayall returned to work doing voice-overs. His first post-accident acting job was in the 1998 Jonathan Creek Christmas special, as DI Gideon Pryke, a role he later reprised in 2013.

In 2000, Mayall voiced all characters for the PlayStation and Windows PC video game Hogs of War. Also that year, Mayall appeared in the video production of Jesus Christ Superstar as King Herod. He joked in the “making of” documentary, which was included on the DVD release, that “the real reason why millions of people want to come and see this is because I’m in it! Me and Jesus!” In 2001 Mayall acted as Lt Daniel Blaney in the episode “The White Knight Stratagem” from the series “Murder Rooms: The Mysteries of the Real Sherlock Holmes.” In 2002, Mayall teamed up with Marks and Gran once more when he starred as Professor Adonis Cnut in the ITV sitcom, Believe Nothing. However, the sitcom failed to repeat the success of The New Statesman and lasted for only one series.
Persistent speculation amongst critics and fans of the American cartoon comedy television sitcom Family Guy consider that the character Stewie Griffin was closely modelled on Mayall’s performance in the character of ‘Richard Richard’ in Bottom.
Following 2003’s Bottom: Live tour, Bottom 5: Weapons Grade Y-Fronts, Mayall stated that he and Edmondson would return with another tour.
In 2004 Mayall had a starring cameo role playing the record boss in the video short “ABBA: Our Last Video Ever”.
Mayall voiced Edwin in the BBC show Shoebox Zoo. In September 2005, he released an ‘in-character’ semi-fictionalised autobiography titled Bigger than Hitler, Better than Christ. At the same time, he starred in a new series for ITV, All About George. In 2006, Mayall reprised the role of Alan B’Stard in the play The New Statesman 2006: Blair B’stard Project, written by Marks and Gran. By this time B’Stard had left the floundering Conservatives and become a Labour MP. In 2007, following a successful two-month run in London’s West End at the Trafalgar Studios, a heavily re-written version toured theatres nationwide, with Marks and Gran constantly updating the script to keep it topical. However, Mayall succumbed to chronic fatigue and flu in May 2007 and withdrew from the show. Alan B’Stard was played by his understudy, Mike Sherman during his hiatus.
Mayall was cast as the poltergeist Peeves in Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (2001), the first of the Harry Potter films, although all of his scenes were cut from the film. He had not been made aware that his scenes had been cut until the full film was officially unveiled at the premiere. During filming the children in the cast were unable to suppress their giggles when he was filming and would corpse. Since Mayall’s death there has been an outcry for the release of this footage from his fans. He told the story of this hiring/firing on his second website blog for his film, Evil Calls: The Raven (2008). For Evil Calls, Mayall’s role as Winston the Butler was shot in 2002, when the film was titled Alone in the Dark. The film was not completed until 2008, and was released under its new Evil Calls title, to distance it from the Alone in the Dark computer game film.
Mayall provided the voice of the Andrex puppy in the TV commercials for Andrex toilet paper, and also had a voice part in the Domestos cleaning product adverts. He performed the voice of King Arthur in the children’s television cartoon series, King Arthur’s Disasters, alongside Matt Lucas who plays Merlin. Mayall also had a recurring role in the Channel Five remake of the lighthearted drama series, Minder. He also provided the voice of Cufflingk in the 2005 animated film Valiant.
In September 2009, Mayall played a supporting role in the television programme Midsomer Murders—shown on ITV1 and made by Meridian Broadcasting—as David Roper, a recovering party animal and tenuous friend of the families in and around Chettham Park House.

In April 2010, Motivation Records released Mayall’s England Football anthem “Noble England” for the 2010 FIFA World Cup which he recorded with producer Dave Loughran at Brick Lane Studios in London.The release, on 26 April, was designed to coincide with St George’s Day and the baptism of Shakespeare. On the track, Mayall performs an adapted speech from Shakespeare’s Henry V. In June 2010, the official BBC Match of the Day compilation CD (2010 Edition) was released by Sony/Universal featuring Noble England. After Mayall’s death in 2014, a campaign led by Jon Morter began to get “Noble England” to No. 1 during the 2014 FIFA World Cup. It rapidly climbed the official charts in the United Kingdom and reached no. 7.
In September 2010, an audio book, narrated by Mayall, Cutey and the Sofaguard was released by Digital Download. The book was written by Chris Wade and released by Wisdom Twins Books. In this same month, Mayall played the voice of Roy’s Dad and recorded five episodes of animation. In November, Mayall provided narrative for five different characters for CDs accompanying children’s books published by Clickety Books. The books aid speech and language development by bombarding the child with troublesome sound targets. He recorded introductions and narratives for the titles.

On 5 March 2011, Mayall appeared on Let’s Dance for Comic Relief in which he came on stage and attacked Ade Edmondson with a frying pan during his performance of The Dying Swan ballet. Edmondson mentioned backstage that it was the first time in eight years they had done something like that together and claimed Mayall had left his head with a small bump. It would be the last time the duo performed together in public.
In April 2011, Mayall again revived the character of Alan B’Stard to make an appearance in a satirical television advertisement for the No2AV campaign prior to the 2011 voting reform referendum in the UK. The character is shown being elected under the alternative vote system, then using his newly gained position of power to renege on his campaign promises. In his personal life, Rik Mayall did not support the alternative vote. In May, Mayall became the eponymous ‘Bombardier’ in a TV advertising campaign for Bombardier Bitter in the UK. The adverts landed broadcaster UKTV Dave in trouble with Ofcom when they were found to breach the Ofcom code for linking alcohol with sexual attractiveness or success.
On 23 August 2012, the BBC announced that Edmondson and Mayall’s characters of Richie and Eddie would be returning in 2013 in Hooligan’s Island, a television adaptation of their 1997 tour of the same name. However, on 15 October 2012, Edmondson announced during an interview with BBC radio presenter Mark Powlett that the project was cancelled prior to production as he wished to pursue other interests.

In September 2012, Mayall starred in The Last Hurrah, a six-episode, full-cast audio series that he also co-wrote with Craig Green and Dominic Vince.
In November 2012, Mayall narrated several children’s books on the Me Books app, such as The Getaway and Banana! by children’s illustrator and author Ed Vere.
In October 2013 he appeared in Channel 4 sitcom Man Down, playing the father of the protagonist, Greg Davies—despite being only ten years older.
On 7 May 2014, Mayall made one of his last recorded performances in the form of poetry and voice-overs read on English rock band Magic Eight Ball’s second album ‘Last Of The Old Romantics’ (released on 10 November 2014).
Mayall’s final TV appearance was in the first episode of the second series of Crackanory, which was broadcast posthumously on 24 September 2014 on Dave.

Mayall married Scottish make-up artist Barbara Robbin in 1985, and the couple had three children. The couple met in 1981 while filming A Kick Up the Eighties and embarked on a secret affair. At the time, Mayall was in a long-term relationship with Lise Mayer. Upon discovering that Robbin was pregnant, Mayall left Mayer (who was also pregnant with his child at the time) while on a shopping trip with her and Ben Elton, and eloped with Robbin to Barbados. Mayer would later suffer a miscarriage. In a 2002 newspaper article, Mayall said that Mayer had since forgiven him.

Mayall twice publicly involved himself in political campaigns. In 2002 he dressed up as Adolf Hitler for a cinema advertisement opposing the United Kingdom abolishing its national currency the Pound sterling in favour of the Euro, as a part of its membership of the European Union. In the United Kingdom Alternative Vote Referendum of 2011 he appeared in a television broadcast for the ‘No’ campaign in character as Alan B’Stard to oppose the adoption of an alternative non-proportional electoral system for Westminster Parliamentary elections.

On 9 April 1998, Mayall was injured after crashing a quad bike near his home in Devon. Mayall’s daughter Bonnie and her cousin had asked him to take them for a ride on the bike—a Christmas gift from his wife—but he refused because of bad weather approaching, and he went on out alone. Mayall remembered nothing about the accident. His wife Barbara looked out of the window and saw him lying on the ground trapped beneath the quad, which had turned over on top of him. Mayall later joked that his wife believed he was fooling around and initially left him for a few minutes. He was airlifted to Plymouth’s Derriford Hospital, with two haematomas and a fractured skull. During the following 96 hours, he was kept sedated to prevent movement which could cause pressure on his brain. His family was warned that he could die or have brain damage. He was in a coma for several days. After five days doctors felt it safe to bring him back to consciousness. In a BBC Radio 2 interview in 2000, Mayall said that when filming Guest House Paradiso, Edmondson would make sure he had afternoons free to rest from filming following the accident.
During Mayall’s hospitalisation, The Comic Strip special, Four Men in a Car, was broadcast for the first time. The film involves Mayall’s character being hit by a car. Mayall and Edmondson joked about the event in stage versions of Bottom, Edmondson quipping “If only I’d fixed those brakes properly,” Mayall referring to “quad bike flashbacks”, and Mayall referring to himself: “You must know him, that tosser who fell off the quad bike.” In his 2005 spoof autobiography, Mayall claims that he rose from the dead.

On 9 June 2014, Mayall died at his home in Barnes, Richmond-upon-Thames, London, from a sudden heart attack after jogging. His funeral took place on 19 June 2014 in St. George’s Church in Dittisham, Devon. Among those who attended were Dawn French, Jennifer Saunders, Peter Richardson, Alan Rickman and Mayall’s Young Ones