14 love poems leading up to Valentine’s Day

For the next 14 days I shall be attempting to write and post a love poem every day.

Nowadays romance is often cheesy or commercialised. Or in Hollywood romcoms. Who writes handwritten love letters anymore? Maybe the odd card is sent? Where is Cupid? And where are his arrows?

Through all the recent hardships of covid and war, love may have gone lost a little. So I’m going to try and give love a little boost to hopefully get you in the spirit…

Love is in the air! Can you feel it? ♥️
Stay tuned…

I, shopping trolley

I’ve been used
I’ve been touched
I’ve been dragged
I’ve been abused
I’ve been banged
I’ve been pushed
I’ve been shoved
I’ve been fouled
I’ve been abandoned
I’ve been smashed
I’ve been sunk
I’ve been drowned
I’ve been crashed
I’ve been lonely
I’ve been found
I’ve been battered
I’ve been bound
I’ve been held
I’ve been chained
I’ve been filled
I’ve been full
I’ve been stained
I’ve been packed
I’ve been smacked
I’ve been gathered
I’ve been left
I’ve been right
I’ve been strong
all along

Murder in East Kilbride

A newlywed
was found dead in a bed,
kilt by her husband
wearing a tartan coloured red.

Her recent spouse
had drank quite a lot
and was insulted
when she called him tosspot.

He killed her
and played his pipes that night;
woke up every soul
up to Glasgow alright.

The polis got wind
of the sound of his drone:
“We’ve got you by yer testes
now your cover is blown…”

My father is dreaming

staring
into the distance
far away
my father is dreaming
about the past
taking him to places
unknown spheres
remembering things
that wouldn’t last

I am aware
of his silent stare
and I shall kindly
leave him there…

Witty word: Teatotaller

/ tea-toht-ler /

noun

a person who has a strong, often uncontrollable, desire to drink tea all the time:
After buying 100 boxes of Liptons and popping the kettle on 24/7, it was determined that Mrs Drinkwater was a teatotaller.

Origin of teatotaller:
2023; poetpas©️; Modern English, based on late Middle English, based on silliness and wit.

Food depression

I go to the store
I wander aimlessly
like the day before

I don’t know where to look
I don’t know what to cook
I’m not in the mood
for any boring food

I don’t want beans
or any other greens
and I do not fancy meat

I’ll get fish and chips
it might just make me happy
it shall be my treat

Devotion

there’s emotion
in my devotion
as all my cells
are set in motion
yearning
to give you
my dedicated potion
of love
as it flows through
my genes
when I see you
in my dreams

Windows to the city

the streets
all seem in place
the buildings
stand with grace

the skyline
and the clouds
hover over
busy crowds

the people
walking by
more than plenty
catch my eye

the sound of sirens
echo dread
fetching the wounded
and the dead

the windows
to the city
make the ugly
look so pretty

Pity party

welcome
to my pity party
my endless sorrows
are nice and hearty

welcome
to my pity party
my blues
look colourful and are very arty

welcome
to my pity party
but please feel sorry
for poor me

today I may throw another
two
or maybe
even 3

Estate

the difference between living
in or on estate
could be £5 million

in an estate
one has the feeling
one has the whole place to oneself

whilst on an estate
we know,
and (un)willingly accept,
we all live in one house…

Memories of a classroom: an enumeration of unforgettable odors

perspiration
pot
poo
pee
paper towels
perfume
peppermint
puke
pencils
poppers
pizza
pink erasers
crayons
chalk
and cheese
snot
from sneeze
jeez
cigarettes smoke
made me choke
coffee
tea
horny hormones
arts
and farts
soap
spilled milk
and ink
I think
glue
goo
dog shit
on my shoe
drains
fruit
stains
rubber
blubber
rank
radiators
musky books
bleach
bleechers
dirty looks
make up
teachers
airosol
alcohol
leather
mildew
stew
What about you?

Rheum

eye candy
gone dry
settled in the corner
of my awakening eye

my dreams hardened
into crusty bits
after I dreamed
of your voluptuous t(·)(·)ts

Ol’ Phil

ol’ Phil
fits the bill
he’s the one
that would kill
just for a thrill
and I think
that he will
in the still
of the night

Alienation

an alien nation
landed on earth
during the probation
they wanted to feast and drink
during their vacation

they drank all the moonshine
in Georgia and Kentucky
they never got caught
I guess one can say
they were lucky 🍀

It is that!

it is that
of what
I not yet know,
and it’s meaning,
it be true or false,
I fear most,
for knowing it
or by comparison,
may alter
or liberate
my process
of thinking

It is that!

Sugar lumps

slowly they dissolve
descending into brown
spreading their sweetness
on their way down

the perfect balance
never wrong
like little white angels
peeing on your tongue

Witty word: Ohzone

Definition of ohzone
/oh-zohn/

noun
1 area that is distinguished for some purpose in which a certain amount or a degree of complacency or disregard exists or is established:
Due to his addiction to his IPhone Archibald found himself comfortably numb in his ohzone and shrugged when his mother said: “I’m leaving your dad and I’m going back to Zanzibar to move in with Darlene”

2 a place where shallow and ignorant people live:
Al and Peggy Bundy were happily living in their ohzone until uncle Ted came knocking on their door.

Origin of ohzone:
2021; poetpas ©; Modern English, based on silliness and wit.

Free tips for men: Toilet 🚽

When you need to pee, sit down rather than stand up! This will prevent a possible deflecting urine stream spritzing the area surrounding you. Think of bath mats, tiles, radiators, shoes and of course the toilet itself.

It will save you a lot of cleaning and will prevent bad hygiene, bacteria, sticky surfaces and rusty radiators (urine contains saltpetre).

Extra tip: keep your pubes trimmed…you don’t want them scattered all round your WC as well? Or stuck to the urine for those who’ll remain standing?

So toilet seat down and be seated😊

Stay tuned for more…

Frau Glockenspiel

every day
she peeks
through my window
on her daily walk
short stepping her way
to an embracing slow death
me not knowing
who she is
where she comes from
where she lives
every day
her daily fix
around 6
she walks by
I call her
Frau Glockenspiel
I don’t know why…

Witty word: Lieability

definition of lieability
/lahy-a-bil-i-tee/

noun

1 the ability or skill to make false statements made with deliberate intent to deceive: His continuous lieability made him a believable, trustworthy and fraudulent friend.

2 the ability to be in a horizontal, recumbent, or prostrate position, as on a bed or the ground for long periods of time: Her liebility made it easy to mask her years of laziness and her self diagnosis of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.

Origin of lieability:

2021; poetpas ©; Middle English, Old French, Old Norse, Gothic, Modern English, based on philosophical wit.









Featuring: Telly Savalas


Today I’m featuring this great actor and wise man, known as Kojak, also a philanthropist, a singer and a great poker player. Noted for his bald head and deep, resonant voice, this lollipop man warmed the hearts of many viewers for many years with his one liners and catchy phrases. ‘Who loves you baby’ 🍭 

Aristotelis Savalas was born in Garden City, New York, on January 21, 1922, the second of five children born to ethnic Greek parents. Savalas and his brother, Gus, sold newspapers and polished shoes to help support the family. Savalas initially spoke only Greek when he entered grade school, but later learned English. He won a spelling bee there in 1934; due to an oversight, he did not receive his prize until 1991, when the school principal and Boston Herald awarded it to him.

Savalas graduated from Sewanhaka High School in Floral Park, New York in 1940.

A renowned swimmer, he worked as a beach lifeguard after graduation from high school. However, on one occasion, he was unsuccessful in saving a father from drowning; as he attempted resuscitation, the man’s two children stood nearby crying for their father to wake up. This affected Savalas so much that he spent the rest of his life constantly promoting water safety, and later made all six of his children take swimming lessons.

In 1941, Savalas was drafted into the United States Army. In 1943, he was discharged from the Army with the rank of corporal after being severely injured in a car accident. Savalas spent more than a year recuperating in hospital with a broken pelvis, sprained ankle and concussion. He then attended the Armed Forces Institute where he studied radio and television production.

He received a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Columbia’s School of General Studies in 1946 and started working on a master’s degree while preparing for medical school.

Savalas did not consider acting as a career until asked if he could recommend an actor who could do a European accent. He did but as the friend in question could not go, Savalas himself went to cover for his friend and ended up being cast on “And Bring Home a Baby”, an episode of Armstrong Circle Theatre in January 1958. He appeared on two more episodes of the series in 1959 and 1960, one, acting alongside a young Sydney Pollack. He was also in a version of The Iceman Cometh.

Savalas quickly became in much demand as a guest star on TV shows.

Savalas made his film debut in Mad Dog Coll (1961), playing a cop. His work had impressed fellow actor Burt Lancaster, who arranged for Savalas to be cast in the John Frankenheimer directed The Young Savages (also 1961 and again playing a cop). Pollack worked on the film as an acting coach.

In one of his most acclaimed performances, Savalas reunited with Lancaster and Frankenheimer for Birdman of Alcatraz (1962), where he was nominated for the Academy Award and Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor. The same year, he appeared as a private detective in Cape Fear, and The Interns, reprising his role from the latter film in The New Interns (1964).

Savalas also guest starred in a number of TV series during the decade including The New Breed, The Detectives, Ben Casey, The Twilight Zone (the episode “Living Doll”), The Fugitive (1963 TV series) and Arrest and Trial among others.

He was part of an all-star cast in The Dirty Dozen (1967).

Savalas’ first leading role in film was in the British crime comedy Crooks and Coronets (1969). The same year he appeared in the James Bond movie On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, playing Ernst Stavro Blofeld. He continued to appear in films during the 1970s including Kelly’s Heroes (1970) (with Clint Eastwood).He reunited with Christopher Lee in the 1976 thriller Killer Force, and also appeared in Peter Hyams’ Capricorn One (1978).

“I had worked my way up to star billing”, he later said, “when the bottom dropped out of the movie business. I could have stayed in Europe and made Italian movies but I discovered the big difference between an Italian and American movie is that in the American movie you get paid.”

Savalas first played Lt. Theodopolus “Theo” Kojak in the TV movie The Marcus–Nelson Murders (CBS, 1973), which was based on the real-life Career Girls Murder case.

Kojak was a bald New York City detective with a fondness for lollipops and whose tagline was “Who loves ya, baby?” (He also liked to say, “Everybody should have a little Greek in them.”) Although the lollipop gimmick was added in order to indulge his sweet tooth, Savalas also smoked heavily onscreen—cigarettes, cigarillos and cigars—throughout the first season’s episodes. The lollipops had apparently given him three cavities, and were part of an (unsuccessful) effort by Kojak (and Savalas himself) to curb his smoking. The critic Clive James explained the lead actor’s appeal as Kojak: “Telly Savalas can make bad slang sound like good slang and good slang sound like lyric poetry. It isn’t what he is, so much as the way he talks, that gets you tuning in.”

David Shipman later wrote: “Kojak was sympathetic to outcasts and ruthless with social predators. The show maintained a high quality to the end, mixing tension with some laughs and always anxious to tackle civic issues, one of its raisons d’etre in the first place. It was required viewing in Britain every Saturday evening for eight years. To almost everyone everywhere Kojak means Savalas and vice versa, but to Savalas himself the series was merely an interval, albeit a long one, in a distinguished career.”

Kojak aired on CBS for five seasons from October 24, 1973, until March 18, 1978, with 118 episodes produced. The role won Savalas an Emmy and two Golden Globes for Best Actor in a Drama Series. Co-stars on the show included Savalas’ younger brother George as Detective Stavros – a sensitive, wild-haired, quiet, comedic foil to Kojak’s street-wise humor in an otherwise dark dramatic series – Kevin Dobson as Kojak’s trusted young partner, Det. Bobby Crocker, who’s on-screen chemistry with Savalas was a success story of 1970s television, and Dan Frazer as Captain Frank McNeil.

Due to a decline in ratings, the series was canceled by CBS in 1978. Savalas and Frazer were the only actors to appear in all 118 episodes. Savalas was unhappy about the show’s demise but got the chance to reprise the Kojak persona in several television movies, starting in 1985. The first film, subtitled The Belarus File and broadcast in February 1985, reunited Savalas with several of his co-stars from the series: younger brother George, Dan Frazer, Mark Russell (Det. Saperstein) and Vince Conti (Det. Rizzo); this marked those actors’ final appearances in the Kojak franchise. A further six Kojak TV movies were produced, titled The Price of Justice (1987), Ariana, Fatal Flaw (both 1989), Flowers for Matty, It’s Always Something – with Kevin Dobson reprising his role of Bobby Crocker, now an Assistant District Attorney – and None So Blind (all 1990).

In 1992, he appeared in three episodes of the TV series The Commish (his son-in-law was one of the producers). This was Savalas’ final television role. He would appear in two further feature films before his death, Mind Twister (1993) and the posthumous release Backfire! (1995).

As a singer, Savalas had some chart success. His spoken word version of Bread’s “If” produced by Snuff Garrett reached No. 1 in both the UK and Ireland in March 1975, but just No.88 in Canada, and his version of Don Williams’s “Some Broken Hearts Never Mend” topped the charts in Switzerland in February 1981. He worked with composer and producer John Cacavas on many albums, including Telly (1974) which peaked at number 49 in Australia and Who Loves Ya, Baby (1976).

He received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1983. In 1999, TV Guide ranked him number 18 on its 50 Greatest TV Stars of All Time list.

Savalas was married three times. In 1948 after his father’s death from bladder cancer, Savalas married his college sweetheart, Katherine Nicolaides. Their daughter Christina, named after his mother, was born in 1950. In 1957 Katherine filed for divorce. She urged him to move back to his mother’s house during that same year. While Savalas was going broke, he founded the Garden City Theater Center in his native Garden City. While working there he met Marilyn Gardner, a theater teacher. They married in 1960. Marilyn gave birth to their daughter, Penelope, in 1961. A second daughter, Candace, was born in 1963. They divorced in 1974, after a long separation.

In January 1969, while working on the movie On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Savalas met actress Sally Adams, an actress 25 years his junior whose daughter from a previous relationship is Nicollette Sheridan. Savalas later moved in with Sally, who gave birth to their son Nicholas Savalas on February 24, 1973. Although Savalas and Sally Adams never legally married, she went by the name Sally Savalas. They stopped living together in December 1978; she filed a palimony lawsuit against him in 1980, demanding support not only for herself and their son, but also for Nicollette.

In 1977, during the last season of Kojak, Savalas met Julie Hovland, a travel agent from Minnesota. The couple were married from 1984 until his death and had two children: Christian, an entrepreneur, singer and songwriter, and Ariana, an actress and singer/songwriter. Savalas was close friends with actor John Aniston, and was godfather to his daughter Jennifer, a successful TV and film actress.

Savalas held a degree in psychology and was a world-class poker player who finished 21st at the main event in the 1992 World Series of Poker. He was also a motorcycle racer and lifeguard. His other hobbies and interests included golfing, swimming, reading romantic books, watching football, traveling, collecting luxury cars, and gambling. He loved horse racing and bought a racehorse with movie director and producer Howard W. Koch. Naming the horse Telly’s Pop, it won several races in 1975 including the Norfolk Stakes and Del Mar Futurity.

In his capacity as producer for Kojak, he gave many stars their first break, as Burt Lancaster had done for him. He was considered by those who knew him to be a generous, graceful, compassionate man. He was also a strong contributor to his Greek Orthodox roots through the Saint Sophia and Saint Nicholas cathedrals in Los Angeles and was the sponsor of bringing electricity in the 1970s to his ancestral home, Ierakas, Greece.

As a philanthropist and philhellene, Savalas supported many Hellenic causes and made friends in major cities around the world.

In the 1980s, Savalas began to lose close relatives. His brother George Savalas, who played Stavros in the original series, died in 1985 of leukemia at age 60. His mother, Christina, who had always been his best friend, supporter and devoted parent, died in 1988. On November 22, 1989, Savalas was diagnosed with transitional cell cancer of the bladder.

Savalas died on January 22, 1994, one day after his 72nd birthday, of complications of prostate cancer at the Sheraton-Universal Hotel in Universal City, California. He had lived at the Sheraton in Universal City for 20 years, becoming such a fixture at the hotel bar that it was renamed Telly’s. Savalas was interred at the George Washington section of Forest Lawn – Hollywood Hills Cemetery in Los Angeles, California. The funeral, held in the Saint Sophia Greek Orthodox Church, was attended by his third wife, Julie, and his brother Gus. His first two wives, Katherine and Marilyn, also attended with their own children. The mourners included Angie Dickinson, Nicollette Sheridan, Jennifer Aniston (his goddaughter), Kevin Sorbo, Sally Adams, Frank Sinatra, Don Rickles, and several of Savalas’s Kojak co-stars – Kevin Dobson, Dan Frazer, and Vince Conti.

For the people who are old enough (lol), I still watch Kojak on video occasionally and I still enjoy his acting, the stories and the scenery of New York in the seventies. It takes you back to the free days of the Big Apple. I always found him to be a witty, funny, apt and strong individual.

Check him out (or not):

https://youtu.be/F0xG888KrTk

https://youtu.be/JIAVQ-0J-OA

https://youtu.be/L7qah1O6MGg

https://youtu.be/dPp5RHpka5E

https://youtu.be/-8hbUqhKM38

Sources: Wikipedia, YouTube, interweb, poetpas 















Free tips for men: Who needs an iron

When you wash a shirt or a pair of pants or anything in your washing machine don’t put it on the highest spin cycle. It will become too dry and so your clothes may come out too creasy.

The next thing you do is hang it on a hanger (don’t use pegs!) and due to the weight of the water left in your garment it shall pull most of the creases out. There are all sorts of hangers one can purchase.

Extra tip: put jumpers (sweaters) on a flat surface as hanging could well stretch the fabric!

Who needs an iron ☺️

Stay tuned for more…

Bland

blend in
with the boring blended
your life
has already ended

you have everything
sorted and mended
all in control
it’s bloody splendid

Psalm 23:4-6 King Silly Version

4 Yay, though I walk through the valley of life, I will fear some evil: for thou art with me; but with my staff I shall hope to silence thee.

5 Though thou preparest a table before me in the presence of thy family: they anoint my mind with shallowness; my head runneth over.

6 Surely to God I hope they shan’t follow me the remaining days of my life: or I will runneth a mile to the house of spirits, and dwell within.

The coach and the roach

a holistic coach
had an odd approach
trying to solve a problem
with the use of a cockroach

it was for a penis
that wouldn’t erect
and needed a remedy
to cure the defect

the roach was placed
in the man’s underpants
with a few leaves of nettle
and a couple of ants

the gigolo said:
“Eureka! I now have an itch;
I will proceed to pander
and I shall be rich!”

Dear Bill

unable to cope
you hang yourself
with rope
you turn on
the gas
and let things
come to pass
or jump
in front of a train
as you can’t handle
the pain
you drive
off a cliff

but what if
you just chill
and take a pill
and make sure
you put me
in your will
or won’t
my dear Bill
I was kidding
cause I love you
in spite
of the money
you owe me
still…

Mother of fact

as a mother of fact
she kept
all her offspring
intact

she fed them
she bathed them
and kept them
in line

they all went
and crossed it
but we think
she’ll be fine

When but

when you think you had enough
but you get much less
when he talks way too much
but you always digress

when you think you’ve made it
but it was never broken
when a lot is discussed
but not much outspoken

when you’re blind to everything
but can hear all the rest
when you gave her a polygraph
but you failed the test

when you think you’ve found the one
but you run into the other
when you’ve found a way out
but you just won’t bother…

Distraught

distraught
I was
I fought
my thoughts
my memories
of disagrees
worries
of fees
and foes
I suppose
I took
my time
and drank
some wine
emptied bottles
emptying me
distraught
I fought
I won
and now
I’m free

Manchester scareport

you queue
you queue
that’s all you do
they haven’t got a bloody clue

you wait
you wait
you might be late
to get in line for a busy gate

by the time
you do get through
there is yet
another queue

you queue and wait
for miles and miles
you end up nowhere
but with piles

little staff
tight security
I’m going home
I need to pee

Telephone 📞

often left
hanging
alone
wired
to a box
you used to listen to
many hellos
laughter
sadness
lies
and frequent goodbyes
whilst swallowing
coins
for money
used
and put down
you life saver
a sacRED shelter
in every other street
in town

~image by Simon Gradwell

April Fewl

April Fewl
was a prankster
who enjoyed
pulling legs
thinking it was cool
but came up short
when she met
her amputated man
who left her clueless
what to do
when he said:
You should’ve worn
your spectacles
before I married you…

First sun

first sun
what fun
no more depression
after spring
has sprung

april is here
flowers in gear
roses coming out
all the children
bloody shout

first sun
such fun
the rays are here
and the noise begun

Mrs Khan

Mrs Khan
had a nasty man
who hit her hard
with a frying pan

he made her weep
and make her sleep
outside with the mice
in a garbage can

she ran away
to the USA
moved to a town
it was called Bomb Bay

there she met
her soulmate me
who made her smile
and feel happy

Sad Saul

left by his wife
he had no friends
he had no life

he was allways on his phone
so he wouldn’t feel alone

he found an ally
in his screen
and a bit of self-esteem

Danny the Dalmatian

you’ve spotted me
said Danny
to the overlooking tree

you look
like you are thirsty
so I will kindly wet on thee

I also left you
a fragrance
to freshen up thy bark

so you smell nice
alone
in this landscape oh so stark

Your hairdresser

she knows
all your secrets
your ailments
and pain

she knows
you are human
and need
to complain

she listens
to the hokum
that you
wish to convey

right up to
the moment
when you
have to pay

Comment clan

can I join
your comment clan?
I will be your biggest fan!

only nice things I shall write;
nothing critical
if that’s alright…

Stride

regarding my eventful stride
in the garden of perception
I ponder
and wonder
how I ended up
down yonder
believing fate
would caress my inner
conspicuous alteration
of thoughtful contemplation
that opens
and shuts shutters
of my ever vivid imagination

Mr Gullible

Mr Gullible
believed every little thing
was true

he believed
that every Indian
was a Sioux
every fuck
a screw
and semen
was glue
every lawyer
named Sue
all faeces
smelled of poo
every Monday
was blue
he could dance
in a canoe
karate
was Kung fu
instead of
Judo
or Jiu Jitsu
that Google
was Yahoo
dementia
deja vu
his expire
overdue
had to pee
at Waterloo
that Tim lived
in Buktu
all he made was gross
revenue
every street
an avenue
any woodland
caribou
and every rat
a kangaroo
a cock
a doodle-doo
every peek
a boo
Bart
was Holomew

Mr Gullible
believed every little thing
was true

What is the antonym for feminism?

Out of sheer curiosity I tried to find out what the antonym or opposite is of feminism.
Seldomly have I come across a more difficult task. Let it be clear that this is not a post where I feel the need to stick up for men.

First of all dictionaries seem to come with only negative antonyms like misogyny, masculism, anti-feminism, bigotry, chauvinism, sexism, cynicism, etc. (negative for/about men).

Let’s focus on the first one:
‘Misogyny is the opposite of feminism, holding the opposite sentiment towards women and their standing, not a parallel, holding the same sentiment towards men as feminism towards women.’

Another antonym defined, masculism: Advocacy of the rights of men; adherence to or promotion of opinions, values, etc., regarded as typical of men; (more generally) anti-feminism, machismo, according to Oxford dictionary.

These all have negative or disrespectful meanings in regard to women. And it
would mean that the antonyms of these antonyms or opposites (going back), thus feminism, would be or have to be also negative?

A professor came up with this:
“Male chauvinism. Since feminism calls for equal rights for women, male chauvinism calls for women to have fewer rights.
Masculism, then, is not an antonym.
Likewise, equality is a synonym, not an antonym!!!”

Equality a synonym for feminism? Isn’t feminism only for women’s rights?

Antonym.com came up with these words: make peace, stay in place, walk, pull, attract, best, worst??? Is that meant for women or men? Weird…
It would make sense in my country however as some women here tend to boss men around, no offence.

Now I am an egalitarian and I am working on my own witty word: equaligist
Yet these words are hardly known or used. That is a sad thing really.

What about men that stick up for themselves but respect respectful women. A malist? Again there is no such word.

Further on the matter there are discussions on forums like Quara. But often they involve personal opinions rather than plain definitions.

Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that feminism by feminists is regarded to be positive whilst the opposite for men is negative. Now how is that for equality…