Wit
Love poem 3: Your treacherous attraction
caught in your web
of divine beauty
I am consumed by
your treacherous attraction,
as it drives me crazy,
to absolute distraction…
Love poem 2: Piquant spittle
twisting
and turning
to impart flavor
enhancing
the relish
I truly savour
our tongues duel
and softly wriggle,
the quench
for love’s fuel
you kindly giggle
I taste
the zest
your piquant spittle
the remnants
of last night’s food
a little…
Love poem 1: I fall for you
kneeling humbly
looking up
I’m on my knees
adoring
your lovely face
stature
and feminine grace
I fall for you
14 love poems leading up to Valentine’s Day
For the next 14 days I shall be attempting to write and post a love poem every day.
Nowadays romance is often cheesy or commercialised. Or in Hollywood romcoms. Who writes handwritten love letters anymore? Maybe the odd card is sent? Where is Cupid? And where are his arrows?
Through all the recent hardships of covid and war, love may have gone lost a little. So I’m going to try and give love a little boost to hopefully get you in the spirit…
Love is in the air! Can you feel it? ♥️
Stay tuned…
We were children
we were children
of children
of some other children
that were
children
of children
with parents
who are dead
and they were children
once…
not twice
My Groucho moment
I, shopping trolley
I’ve been used
I’ve been touched
I’ve been dragged
I’ve been abused
I’ve been banged
I’ve been pushed
I’ve been shoved
I’ve been fouled
I’ve been abandoned
I’ve been smashed
I’ve been sunk
I’ve been drowned
I’ve been crashed
I’ve been lonely
I’ve been found
I’ve been battered
I’ve been bound
I’ve been held
I’ve been chained
I’ve been filled
I’ve been full
I’ve been stained
I’ve been packed
I’ve been smacked
I’ve been gathered
I’ve been left
I’ve been right
I’ve been strong
all along
Murder in East Kilbride
A newlywed
was found dead in a bed,
kilt by her husband
wearing a tartan coloured red.
Her recent spouse
had drank quite a lot
and was insulted
when she called him tosspot.
He killed her
and played his pipes that night;
woke up every soul
up to Glasgow alright.
The polis got wind
of the sound of his drone:
“We’ve got you by yer testes
now your cover is blown…”
Mischief
you crawled
into my very being
my existence
and my brain
you crawled
into my soul
and gave me hope
again
Unhidden words
I set free
my words
and release them
in my writing
so no one
can ever capture them
and hold them
against me
including myself
Advice for cyclists
M’re people – a brief Shakespearean rant
My Groucho moment
A bit of tongue in cheek
we saw eye to eye
when she gave me mouth to mouth
and whilst we were cheek to cheek
I smiled from ear to ear
Hey Siri
New Delhi
smog
smog
smog
man-made fog
Beep!
Beep!
Beep!
cars that weep
Jetpacked
Help!
we are being Jetpacked
changing
from blue to green
WordPress
didn’t tell us
on that
I’m not too keen
Sometimes when one door closes in life, another door opens…
Mosquito
you pierce our skin
and create an itch
you really are
a needy bitch
Arranging my books by those I’ve never read, those l’ll never read, and those I never will have read.
My father is dreaming
staring
into the distance
far away
my father is dreaming
about the past
taking him to places
unknown spheres
remembering things
that wouldn’t last
I am aware
of his silent stare
and I shall kindly
leave him there…
Twinns
twice
an eggeth
we did cost thee
an armeth
and a leggeth
My Groucho moment
I love these days
I love these days
when it’s raining outside
and I can just hide
where it’s cosy inside
I lie in bed
got nott’n to do
I may have some cake
with a cup of brew
I love these days
Waves of wit
I’m floating
on a sea of words
carried
by waves of wit
Thesaurus
is my beacon
and helps me out
a tiny bit
Witty word: Teatotaller
/ tea-toht-ler /
noun
a person who has a strong, often uncontrollable, desire to drink tea all the time:
After buying 100 boxes of Liptons and popping the kettle on 24/7, it was determined that Mrs Drinkwater was a teatotaller.
Origin of teatotaller:
2023; poetpas©️; Modern English, based on late Middle English, based on silliness and wit.
Hey Siri
Food depression
I go to the store
I wander aimlessly
like the day before
I don’t know where to look
I don’t know what to cook
I’m not in the mood
for any boring food
I don’t want beans
or any other greens
and I do not fancy meat
I’ll get fish and chips
it might just make me happy
it shall be my treat
Neil’s dying words
I’m over the moon
Neil said
before he was dead
I shall now focus
on heaven
and go there instead
Tie the not
tie the not
but unleash your yes
it may bring you a thought
that might be fresh
Devotion
there’s emotion
in my devotion
as all my cells
are set in motion
yearning
to give you
my dedicated potion
of love
as it flows through
my genes
when I see you
in my dreams
Happy 2023
Happy 2023!
Have a laugh,
enjoy yourself,
don’t hold back…
that is my plea!
My Groucho moment
Boxing Day
Hurray, Hurray!
It’s Boxing Day!
All is on sale!
Come out and p(l)ay!
You are the best gift
~ Giulia Rosa
Some Irish Christmas songs
Santa Clause
believe in me
and be good
it’s in my clause
it’s understood
I want to know
I want to know
what you feel
I want to know
how you heal
I want to know
the best of you
I want to know
the rest of you
I want to know
Thinking
I have been thinking about things
but I haven’t given it much thought
My eBooks
Full circle
I’ve gone
full circle
said the square peg
to the triangle
as silly as it may sound…
My Groucho moment
A few alternative Xmas tree ideas
If you don’t want to put up a tree this year or don’t have the means, motive or opportunity, here are some alternative ideas that might bring you some joy. Or create something yourself. Dare to be different, dare to be original…
We are up against the wall
TikTok
tick tock
TikTok
I will bide my time
without thy foolish crock
Windows to the city
the streets
all seem in place
the buildings
stand with grace
the skyline
and the clouds
hover over
busy crowds
the people
walking by
more than plenty
catch my eye
the sound of sirens
echo dread
fetching the wounded
and the dead
the windows
to the city
make the ugly
look so pretty
My Groucho moment
Dictionary
you are great
with words
with words
you are great
on you I can rely
to you I can relate
Pity party
welcome
to my pity party
my endless sorrows
are nice and hearty
welcome
to my pity party
my blues
look colourful and are very arty
welcome
to my pity party
but please feel sorry
for poor me
today I may throw another
two
or maybe
even 3
You stare into the distance
off
to a world
of dreams
it seems
you are far away
at a place
where you’d like to stay
I see you gaze
desirably
unburdened
and free
Stuck behind a bloody truck
slow
slow
what the fuck
I’m stuck
behind
a bloody truck
every day
what can I say
get out my way
please go away
My Groucho moment
When I peek through the lid of my slow cooker
it will all come together
it just takes time…
Imprints
imprints,
stuck
in their tracks,
left
a deep impression
with me
and are etched
in my memory
forever
My Groucho moment
Eau de toilet
your wear a peculiar fragrance
it’s a particular scent I smell
I wonder if it is faeces
or if it is Chanel
The ball is in her court
she wants to play
hard
to get
the ball is in her court
is it a game
or is it a sport
Poetquoet
Many forms
much I marvelled waggish interpretation
my mind always strays to storms
with my folly always phrasing
I discovered many forms
My Groucho moment
My scary pumpkin 🎃
cut up
carved
and mutilated
your mood
slightly aggravated
you stare
outside
whilst burning up
inside
My Groucho moment
Am I not enough
not wealthy
not poor
not perfect
not healthy
not sick
not sly
not slow
not slick
not strong
not weak
not right
nor wrong
not tough
not rough
am I
not enough
History
history
lies
in books
Others
others
look
too
much
like
others
only you
look
like me
My daily struggles with John Edgar
the wire
makes me perspire
the switch
is a bloody bitch
the bag is always full
and the smell is rather dull
it fouls
it squeaks
it howls
it reeks
Hoover I hate you!
My Groucho moment
Poetquoet
Wet dreams
I want to swim
around your curves
so slim
I want to dive
into your hormones
in overdrive
I want to sink
in your love
I think
I want to drown
in your eyes
so brown
Estate
the difference between living
in or on estate
could be £5 million
in an estate
one has the feeling
one has the whole place to oneself
whilst on an estate
we know,
and (un)willingly accept,
we all live in one house…
Unpredictable
I’m the most unpredictable twat
and I’m even unreliable at that
My Groucho moment
A very short story about a loving addict
you are the one
that I admire…
but it is a charging wire
that I require
You’ve grown on me
you’ve grown on me
said the wall to the creeper
you often suffocate me
but you are definitely a keeper
Poetquoet
Tis my brain
always on the go
connecting dots
and wires
putting words
into my fingers
as I tap them
on my screen
tis my brain;
it can be a blessing
and it can be a pain
You lost your soul to a mobile phone
you lost your soul
to a mobile phone
but now the battery died
you feel even more alone
(Yikes! No likes!)
My Groucho moment
Straight from the horse’s mouth
I need a stable home
said the dark horse,
one where I can stand up
for myself,
get grounded
and not be stalled…
Poetquoet
Memories of a classroom: an enumeration of unforgettable odors
perspiration
pot
poo
pee
paper towels
perfume
peppermint
puke
pencils
poppers
pizza
pink erasers
crayons
chalk
and cheese
snot
from sneeze
jeez
cigarettes smoke
made me choke
coffee
tea
horny hormones
arts
and farts
soap
spilled milk
and ink
I think
glue
goo
dog shit
on my shoe
drains
fruit
stains
rubber
blubber
rank
radiators
musky books
bleach
bleechers
dirty looks
make up
teachers
airosol
alcohol
leather
mildew
stew
What about you?
My Groucho moment
I’m wasting my time
I’m wasting my time
wasting time
I simply lose track of it
it’s my daily crime
Poetquoet
Short fuse
all reason void
stress is your opioid
you have a short fuse
but I love you fiery muse
My Groucho moment
Angry towel
Poetquoet
I guess
When we kiss
when we kiss
our tongues get tied
exchanging drool
it is sheer bliss
when we kiss
Liars
liars
don’t like being called
liars
Format C
we need to restore
to how it was before
format C
would be my plea
Poetquoet
What have you done for me lately?
My Groucho moment
Matter of fact
as a matter of fact
the fact of the matter is
a matter of fact
No one gets control of my tongue
no one
gets control
of my tongue
nor my pen
in which I will stay
and happily play
Poetquoet
Rheum
eye candy
gone dry
settled in the corner
of my awakening eye
my dreams hardened
into crusty bits
after I dreamed
of your voluptuous t(·)(·)ts
My Groucho moment
I rest my case
Ol’ Phil
ol’ Phil
fits the bill
he’s the one
that would kill
just for a thrill
and I think
that he will
in the still
of the night
Alienation
an alien nation
landed on earth
during the probation
they wanted to feast and drink
during their vacation
they drank all the moonshine
in Georgia and Kentucky
they never got caught
I guess one can say
they were lucky 🍀
Spot on!
a mosquito
nameth Gus
jabbed my spot
that was filled with pus
he said ewwww
I never knew
that instead of blood
it tastes of stew
Simple bearer of wit
I am but a simple bearer of wit
I shall feed you plenty
until you’ve had enough of it
It is that!
it is that
of what
I not yet know,
and it’s meaning,
it be true or false,
I fear most,
for knowing it
or by comparison,
may alter
or liberate
my process
of thinking
It is that!
I look up to you
I look up you
cause you’re my brother
stuck inside
our pregnant mother
I look up to you
Picket fence
white picket fence
wide picket fence
why picket fence
die picket fence,
no off fence
Sugar lumps
slowly they dissolve
descending into brown
spreading their sweetness
on their way down
the perfect balance
never wrong
like little white angels
peeing on your tongue
Witty word: Ohzone
Definition of ohzone
/oh-zohn/
noun
1 area that is distinguished for some purpose in which a certain amount or a degree of complacency or disregard exists or is established:
Due to his addiction to his IPhone Archibald found himself comfortably numb in his ohzone and shrugged when his mother said: “I’m leaving your dad and I’m going back to Zanzibar to move in with Darlene”
2 a place where shallow and ignorant people live:
Al and Peggy Bundy were happily living in their ohzone until uncle Ted came knocking on their door.
Origin of ohzone:
2021; poetpas ©; Modern English, based on silliness and wit.
Spelling bee 🐝
the bee
tried to spell
the word chincherinchee
but it was dyslectic
illiterate
and blind, you see…
Oops
Your stain
I am your stain
in an empty train
I have been left
by you
goo
and rain
Occupational struggles
if gold mining don’t
pan out
you just might want to become a cook
Goodbye
I have to leave
you
now
said the foetus
to the womb
I have to
cut the cord
live my life
and find
my final tomb
Free tips for men: Toilet 🚽
When you need to pee, sit down rather than stand up! This will prevent a possible deflecting urine stream spritzing the area surrounding you. Think of bath mats, tiles, radiators, shoes and of course the toilet itself.
It will save you a lot of cleaning and will prevent bad hygiene, bacteria, sticky surfaces and rusty radiators (urine contains saltpetre).
Extra tip: keep your pubes trimmed…you don’t want them scattered all round your WC as well? Or stuck to the urine for those who’ll remain standing?
So toilet seat down and be seated😊
Stay tuned for more…
Elon must
Elon must
show his influence
Elon must
show his fame
Elon must
show his power
without any shame
Frau Glockenspiel
every day
she peeks
through my window
on her daily walk
short stepping her way
to an embracing slow death
me not knowing
who she is
where she comes from
where she lives
every day
her daily fix
around 6
she walks by
I call her
Frau Glockenspiel
I don’t know why…
Witty word: Lieability
definition of lieability
/lahy-a-bil-i-tee/
noun
1 the ability or skill to make false statements made with deliberate intent to deceive: His continuous lieability made him a believable, trustworthy and fraudulent friend.
2 the ability to be in a horizontal, recumbent, or prostrate position, as on a bed or the ground for long periods of time: Her liebility made it easy to mask her years of laziness and her self diagnosis of Myalgic Encephalomyelitis.
Origin of lieability:
2021; poetpas ©; Middle English, Old French, Old Norse, Gothic, Modern English, based on philosophical wit.
Featuring: Telly Savalas
Today I’m featuring this great actor and wise man, known as Kojak, also a philanthropist, a singer and a great poker player. Noted for his bald head and deep, resonant voice, this lollipop man warmed the hearts of many viewers for many years with his one liners and catchy phrases. ‘Who loves you baby’ 🍭
Aristotelis Savalas was born in Garden City, New York, on January 21, 1922, the second of five children born to ethnic Greek parents. Savalas and his brother, Gus, sold newspapers and polished shoes to help support the family. Savalas initially spoke only Greek when he entered grade school, but later learned English. He won a spelling bee there in 1934; due to an oversight, he did not receive his prize until 1991, when the school principal and Boston Herald awarded it to him.
Savalas graduated from Sewanhaka High School in Floral Park, New York in 1940.
A renowned swimmer, he worked as a beach lifeguard after graduation from high school. However, on one occasion, he was unsuccessful in saving a father from drowning; as he attempted resuscitation, the man’s two children stood nearby crying for their father to wake up. This affected Savalas so much that he spent the rest of his life constantly promoting water safety, and later made all six of his children take swimming lessons.
In 1941, Savalas was drafted into the United States Army. In 1943, he was discharged from the Army with the rank of corporal after being severely injured in a car accident. Savalas spent more than a year recuperating in hospital with a broken pelvis, sprained ankle and concussion. He then attended the Armed Forces Institute where he studied radio and television production.
He received a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Columbia’s School of General Studies in 1946 and started working on a master’s degree while preparing for medical school.
Savalas did not consider acting as a career until asked if he could recommend an actor who could do a European accent. He did but as the friend in question could not go, Savalas himself went to cover for his friend and ended up being cast on “And Bring Home a Baby”, an episode of Armstrong Circle Theatre in January 1958. He appeared on two more episodes of the series in 1959 and 1960, one, acting alongside a young Sydney Pollack. He was also in a version of The Iceman Cometh.
Savalas quickly became in much demand as a guest star on TV shows.
Savalas made his film debut in Mad Dog Coll (1961), playing a cop. His work had impressed fellow actor Burt Lancaster, who arranged for Savalas to be cast in the John Frankenheimer directed The Young Savages (also 1961 and again playing a cop). Pollack worked on the film as an acting coach.
In one of his most acclaimed performances, Savalas reunited with Lancaster and Frankenheimer for Birdman of Alcatraz (1962), where he was nominated for the Academy Award and Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor. The same year, he appeared as a private detective in Cape Fear, and The Interns, reprising his role from the latter film in The New Interns (1964).
Savalas also guest starred in a number of TV series during the decade including The New Breed, The Detectives, Ben Casey, The Twilight Zone (the episode “Living Doll”), The Fugitive (1963 TV series) and Arrest and Trial among others.
He was part of an all-star cast in The Dirty Dozen (1967).
Savalas’ first leading role in film was in the British crime comedy Crooks and Coronets (1969). The same year he appeared in the James Bond movie On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, playing Ernst Stavro Blofeld. He continued to appear in films during the 1970s including Kelly’s Heroes (1970) (with Clint Eastwood).He reunited with Christopher Lee in the 1976 thriller Killer Force, and also appeared in Peter Hyams’ Capricorn One (1978).
“I had worked my way up to star billing”, he later said, “when the bottom dropped out of the movie business. I could have stayed in Europe and made Italian movies but I discovered the big difference between an Italian and American movie is that in the American movie you get paid.”
Savalas first played Lt. Theodopolus “Theo” Kojak in the TV movie The Marcus–Nelson Murders (CBS, 1973), which was based on the real-life Career Girls Murder case.
Kojak was a bald New York City detective with a fondness for lollipops and whose tagline was “Who loves ya, baby?” (He also liked to say, “Everybody should have a little Greek in them.”) Although the lollipop gimmick was added in order to indulge his sweet tooth, Savalas also smoked heavily onscreen—cigarettes, cigarillos and cigars—throughout the first season’s episodes. The lollipops had apparently given him three cavities, and were part of an (unsuccessful) effort by Kojak (and Savalas himself) to curb his smoking. The critic Clive James explained the lead actor’s appeal as Kojak: “Telly Savalas can make bad slang sound like good slang and good slang sound like lyric poetry. It isn’t what he is, so much as the way he talks, that gets you tuning in.”
David Shipman later wrote: “Kojak was sympathetic to outcasts and ruthless with social predators. The show maintained a high quality to the end, mixing tension with some laughs and always anxious to tackle civic issues, one of its raisons d’etre in the first place. It was required viewing in Britain every Saturday evening for eight years. To almost everyone everywhere Kojak means Savalas and vice versa, but to Savalas himself the series was merely an interval, albeit a long one, in a distinguished career.”
Kojak aired on CBS for five seasons from October 24, 1973, until March 18, 1978, with 118 episodes produced. The role won Savalas an Emmy and two Golden Globes for Best Actor in a Drama Series. Co-stars on the show included Savalas’ younger brother George as Detective Stavros – a sensitive, wild-haired, quiet, comedic foil to Kojak’s street-wise humor in an otherwise dark dramatic series – Kevin Dobson as Kojak’s trusted young partner, Det. Bobby Crocker, who’s on-screen chemistry with Savalas was a success story of 1970s television, and Dan Frazer as Captain Frank McNeil.
Due to a decline in ratings, the series was canceled by CBS in 1978. Savalas and Frazer were the only actors to appear in all 118 episodes. Savalas was unhappy about the show’s demise but got the chance to reprise the Kojak persona in several television movies, starting in 1985. The first film, subtitled The Belarus File and broadcast in February 1985, reunited Savalas with several of his co-stars from the series: younger brother George, Dan Frazer, Mark Russell (Det. Saperstein) and Vince Conti (Det. Rizzo); this marked those actors’ final appearances in the Kojak franchise. A further six Kojak TV movies were produced, titled The Price of Justice (1987), Ariana, Fatal Flaw (both 1989), Flowers for Matty, It’s Always Something – with Kevin Dobson reprising his role of Bobby Crocker, now an Assistant District Attorney – and None So Blind (all 1990).
In 1992, he appeared in three episodes of the TV series The Commish (his son-in-law was one of the producers). This was Savalas’ final television role. He would appear in two further feature films before his death, Mind Twister (1993) and the posthumous release Backfire! (1995).
As a singer, Savalas had some chart success. His spoken word version of Bread’s “If” produced by Snuff Garrett reached No. 1 in both the UK and Ireland in March 1975, but just No.88 in Canada, and his version of Don Williams’s “Some Broken Hearts Never Mend” topped the charts in Switzerland in February 1981. He worked with composer and producer John Cacavas on many albums, including Telly (1974) which peaked at number 49 in Australia and Who Loves Ya, Baby (1976).
He received a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 1983. In 1999, TV Guide ranked him number 18 on its 50 Greatest TV Stars of All Time list.
Savalas was married three times. In 1948 after his father’s death from bladder cancer, Savalas married his college sweetheart, Katherine Nicolaides. Their daughter Christina, named after his mother, was born in 1950. In 1957 Katherine filed for divorce. She urged him to move back to his mother’s house during that same year. While Savalas was going broke, he founded the Garden City Theater Center in his native Garden City. While working there he met Marilyn Gardner, a theater teacher. They married in 1960. Marilyn gave birth to their daughter, Penelope, in 1961. A second daughter, Candace, was born in 1963. They divorced in 1974, after a long separation.
In January 1969, while working on the movie On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Savalas met actress Sally Adams, an actress 25 years his junior whose daughter from a previous relationship is Nicollette Sheridan. Savalas later moved in with Sally, who gave birth to their son Nicholas Savalas on February 24, 1973. Although Savalas and Sally Adams never legally married, she went by the name Sally Savalas. They stopped living together in December 1978; she filed a palimony lawsuit against him in 1980, demanding support not only for herself and their son, but also for Nicollette.
In 1977, during the last season of Kojak, Savalas met Julie Hovland, a travel agent from Minnesota. The couple were married from 1984 until his death and had two children: Christian, an entrepreneur, singer and songwriter, and Ariana, an actress and singer/songwriter. Savalas was close friends with actor John Aniston, and was godfather to his daughter Jennifer, a successful TV and film actress.
Savalas held a degree in psychology and was a world-class poker player who finished 21st at the main event in the 1992 World Series of Poker. He was also a motorcycle racer and lifeguard. His other hobbies and interests included golfing, swimming, reading romantic books, watching football, traveling, collecting luxury cars, and gambling. He loved horse racing and bought a racehorse with movie director and producer Howard W. Koch. Naming the horse Telly’s Pop, it won several races in 1975 including the Norfolk Stakes and Del Mar Futurity.
In his capacity as producer for Kojak, he gave many stars their first break, as Burt Lancaster had done for him. He was considered by those who knew him to be a generous, graceful, compassionate man. He was also a strong contributor to his Greek Orthodox roots through the Saint Sophia and Saint Nicholas cathedrals in Los Angeles and was the sponsor of bringing electricity in the 1970s to his ancestral home, Ierakas, Greece.
As a philanthropist and philhellene, Savalas supported many Hellenic causes and made friends in major cities around the world.
In the 1980s, Savalas began to lose close relatives. His brother George Savalas, who played Stavros in the original series, died in 1985 of leukemia at age 60. His mother, Christina, who had always been his best friend, supporter and devoted parent, died in 1988. On November 22, 1989, Savalas was diagnosed with transitional cell cancer of the bladder.
Savalas died on January 22, 1994, one day after his 72nd birthday, of complications of prostate cancer at the Sheraton-Universal Hotel in Universal City, California. He had lived at the Sheraton in Universal City for 20 years, becoming such a fixture at the hotel bar that it was renamed Telly’s. Savalas was interred at the George Washington section of Forest Lawn – Hollywood Hills Cemetery in Los Angeles, California. The funeral, held in the Saint Sophia Greek Orthodox Church, was attended by his third wife, Julie, and his brother Gus. His first two wives, Katherine and Marilyn, also attended with their own children. The mourners included Angie Dickinson, Nicollette Sheridan, Jennifer Aniston (his goddaughter), Kevin Sorbo, Sally Adams, Frank Sinatra, Don Rickles, and several of Savalas’s Kojak co-stars – Kevin Dobson, Dan Frazer, and Vince Conti.
For the people who are old enough (lol), I still watch Kojak on video occasionally and I still enjoy his acting, the stories and the scenery of New York in the seventies. It takes you back to the free days of the Big Apple. I always found him to be a witty, funny, apt and strong individual.
Check him out (or not):
Sources: Wikipedia, YouTube, interweb, poetpas
Free tips for men: Who needs an iron
When you wash a shirt or a pair of pants or anything in your washing machine don’t put it on the highest spin cycle. It will become too dry and so your clothes may come out too creasy.
The next thing you do is hang it on a hanger (don’t use pegs!) and due to the weight of the water left in your garment it shall pull most of the creases out. There are all sorts of hangers one can purchase.
Extra tip: put jumpers (sweaters) on a flat surface as hanging could well stretch the fabric!
Who needs an iron ☺️
Stay tuned for more…
Bland
blend in
with the boring blended
your life
has already ended
you have everything
sorted and mended
all in control
it’s bloody splendid
Psalm 23:4-6 King Silly Version
4 Yay, though I walk through the valley of life, I will fear some evil: for thou art with me; but with my staff I shall hope to silence thee.
5 Though thou preparest a table before me in the presence of thy family: they anoint my mind with shallowness; my head runneth over.
6 Surely to God I hope they shan’t follow me the remaining days of my life: or I will runneth a mile to the house of spirits, and dwell within.
The coach and the roach
a holistic coach
had an odd approach
trying to solve a problem
with the use of a cockroach
it was for a penis
that wouldn’t erect
and needed a remedy
to cure the defect
the roach was placed
in the man’s underpants
with a few leaves of nettle
and a couple of ants
the gigolo said:
“Eureka! I now have an itch;
I will proceed to pander
and I shall be rich!”
Burden
it’s a burden
when you think
you’re always right
and a bigger burden still
when you realise
you are
I forgive you
I forgive you
for not forgiving me
letting go
will set me free
A mother’s ode to her neonate
I love you
yes I really do,
but you always reek
of wee and poo
All the little egos
all the little egos
feed
the other little egos’ egos
until they’re big…
and feed off
littler belittled egos
Dead end
if you hit
a dead end
it may just
hit you back
A rolling stone
a rolling stone
gathers no moss
you just keep rolling
who gives a toss
(based on an old proverb, first credited to Publilius Syrus)
Netfix
you are
my daily viral drug
I use you
like a bloody mug
I shall never
let you go
but I’m also hooked
on HBO
Self-reflection
mirror
mirror
on the door
haven’t I seen
your ignorance
before?
This
is this
really what we want
Dear Bill
unable to cope
you hang yourself
with rope
you turn on
the gas
and let things
come to pass
or jump
in front of a train
as you can’t handle
the pain
you drive
off a cliff
but what if
you just chill
and take a pill
and make sure
you put me
in your will
or won’t
my dear Bill
I was kidding
cause I love you
in spite
of the money
you owe me
still…
The contribution of a stranger
they built our homes
they paved our way
they put us up
and let us stay
they asked us why
they told us that
they baked us pie
that made us fat
they helped us out
they taught us things
they let us be
and gave us wings
Your irresistible curves
round
and bound
by muscle
veins
and nerves
I am drawn
to the sight
of your irresistible curves
and so are all
the droolers
secret admirers
and unintentional perves
Roses
my garden
full of roses
with all their
silly poses
I don’t think
too much
about it
it’s just my diagnosis
Vox populi
everybody
has a voice
or an opinion
but I don’t want
to hear them all
I have my own…
that is my opinion
What do I care
what do I care
what? do I care?
You are worth the trouble
you
are worth
the trouble
you are
Can’t you see
I cannot see
said the blind man
can’t you see?
What’s with me…
what’s with me…
without you
It’s lack of knowledge
it’s lack
of knowledge…
I know
Two sides to every story
there’s two sides
to every story…
a beginning
and an end
Get on your knees!
get on your knees
and colour
the lands
do it with verve
and the patience
it demands…
Oh brother
Oh brother
you are not
my mother
sister
What is freedom of speech
what is freedom of speech
if everything
you say
is weighed
and debated,
questioned,
twisted
to matters
unrelated
what is it freedom of speech
Mother of fact
as a mother of fact
she kept
all her offspring
intact
she fed them
she bathed them
and kept them
in line
they all went
and crossed it
but we think
she’ll be fine
When but
when you think you had enough
but you get much less
when he talks way too much
but you always digress
when you think you’ve made it
but it was never broken
when a lot is discussed
but not much outspoken
when you’re blind to everything
but can hear all the rest
when you gave her a polygraph
but you failed the test
when you think you’ve found the one
but you run into the other
when you’ve found a way out
but you just won’t bother…
g👁👁gle
we collect your browsing data
and monitor your stay
we sell it on to companies
that will haunt you every day
I spot your hormones
I spot
your hormones
I see them
in your spots
The damp of a dog turd (the messy version)
a spontaneous creation
of damp
spread
and left across the nation
The damp of a dog turd (the nice version)
early
on a sunny spring’s morn
something beautiful
and odorous was born
Distraught
distraught
I was
I fought
my thoughts
my memories
of disagrees
worries
of fees
and foes
I suppose
I took
my time
and drank
some wine
emptied bottles
emptying me
distraught
I fought
I won
and now
I’m free
Life
life
is not always
in everyone’s favour
if we could have
we may have picked
a different flavour
You are the one
you are
the one
the second
you realise
you are not
the one
It’s cool to be a fool
I sit back quietly
absorb
and woefully tolerate
I grieve
yet believe
it’s cool to be a fool
of late
Marital blitz
1 marriage
2 people
3 kids
4 pets
5 years
a lot of fights
a divorce
a shyster
plenty of money
and many many tears
Inner voice
find
your inner voice
even if it’s
not your choice
iMagine
iMagine
naming your dog
Siri
and calling him
“Hey Siri”
and iMagine
having an IPhone
Head over heels
I’d rather
you be smart
than look
like a tart
Roll the dice
roll the dice
is my advice
take a wee little gamble
afore thy demise
Something special
there is always
something special
for someone
in someone else
and then some…
Beyond reasonable doubt
beyond
reasonable doubt
lies
the truth
My mostly misbehavin
I’m too tough
too rude
too rough
too weird
yet clean shaven
but they can’t deal
with me…
my mostly misbehavin
Manchester scareport
you queue
you queue
that’s all you do
they haven’t got a bloody clue
you wait
you wait
you might be late
to get in line for a busy gate
by the time
you do get through
there is yet
another queue
you queue and wait
for miles and miles
you end up nowhere
but with piles
little staff
tight security
I’m going home
I need to pee
Waiting in the wet
a woman
in the wet
weather
waiting
for a whistleblower
being watched
through a wagon window
by wondering
wandering eyes
why not…
photographer: George Natsioulis
Telephone 📞
often left
hanging
alone
wired
to a box
you used to listen to
many hellos
laughter
sadness
lies
and frequent goodbyes
whilst swallowing
coins
for money
used
and put down
you life saver
a sacRED shelter
in every other street
in town
~image by Simon Gradwell
Imprisoned by propriety
trapped
by decency
piety
and a bit of moral code
you are imprisoned
by propriety…
I want to get you
out on bail
but you’re not
in the mode
Global warming
I warm
to anyone…
anyone who is kind
locally
or globally
I don’t really mind
April Fewl
April Fewl
was a prankster
who enjoyed
pulling legs
thinking it was cool
but came up short
when she met
her amputated man
who left her clueless
what to do
when he said:
You should’ve worn
your spectacles
before I married you…
First sun
first sun
what fun
no more depression
after spring
has sprung
april is here
flowers in gear
roses coming out
all the children
bloody shout
first sun
such fun
the rays are here
and the noise begun
Mrs Khan
Mrs Khan
had a nasty man
who hit her hard
with a frying pan
he made her weep
and make her sleep
outside with the mice
in a garbage can
she ran away
to the USA
moved to a town
it was called Bomb Bay
there she met
her soulmate me
who made her smile
and feel happy
Don’t lose any sleep over it!
the clock
stole an hour
from our precious
sacred night
yet returned
it to our day
to bring us
longer
later
light
All living things
all livings things
want to live
by law of nature
and what it offers
all living things
Sad Saul
left by his wife
he had no friends
he had no life
he was allways on his phone
so he wouldn’t feel alone
he found an ally
in his screen
and a bit of self-esteem
Danny the Dalmatian
you’ve spotted me
said Danny
to the overlooking tree
you look
like you are thirsty
so I will kindly wet on thee
I also left you
a fragrance
to freshen up thy bark
so you smell nice
alone
in this landscape oh so stark
Look
look,
you can look
and look
and look
and look,
but if you can’t look,
look no further…
you see?
Look!
Your hairdresser
she knows
all your secrets
your ailments
and pain
she knows
you are human
and need
to complain
she listens
to the hokum
that you
wish to convey
right up to
the moment
when you
have to pay
Keeping up appearances
“Fuck it”
said Hyacinth
to her husband Clive
lets use a Bucket
and go for a sex drive
Ritual of sin
adamantly
we Adam
and Eve
try to behave
and aim
to achieve
yet we bite
the bitter apple
and enjoy
the ritual sin
naturally imbedded
in the deep pores of our skin
A short story about a lazy bum
he was a bum
and couldn’t be arsed
with shit
this was the story…
that’s pretty much (w)it
Entrapped
entrapped
by your need
you feed
your greed
so I plead
you free yourself
in deed
agreed?
The memories are ours
created
by adventures
brevity
and joy
the memories
are ours
forever
that is my ploy
USSuRper from the east
on your misery he shall feast
put im down
this usurper from the east
HaPPy & Healthy
I want to feel happy
and healthy
but I need to feel healthy
to be happy
I am groovy
I am groovy
I have a story to tell
and I know my lines
Have you heard the news
have you heard the news?
it’s about history repeating itself,
repeatedly…
Too bad
you are too good
to be too good
which is too bad
Reading
reading
keeps me from writing
and it’s not
all that exciting
reading my writing
Comment clan
can I join
your comment clan?
I will be your biggest fan!
only nice things I shall write;
nothing critical
if that’s alright…
I feel a presence
I feel a presence
I sense the future
maybe the past
least but not last
It’s nothing personal
it’s not about me
it is about the words
it’s nothing personal
Oh Valentine
Oh Valentine
Oh Valentine,
give me love
plus 20 million
and I shall
proudly
call thee
mine
Spare change
spare change;
leave it be…
Thought catcher
secretly
you capture
my rapture
my brain
my thoughts
in refrain
you can sense
my glee
and the occasional pain
She in the distance
faded
by shadows
and mist
remote
beyond reach
I devote
myself
to her
perhaps in my dreams
she
in the distance
A nightmare
I had a dream
about a dream
about a dream
about a dream
the latter was
about waking up
If you can’t get what you want
if you can’t get
what you want
have it delivered
Stride
regarding my eventful stride
in the garden of perception
I ponder
and wonder
how I ended up
down yonder
believing fate
would caress my inner
conspicuous alteration
of thoughtful contemplation
that opens
and shuts shutters
of my ever vivid imagination
Daily answers of an indecisive and deliberately forgetful partner
yes
no
maybe
sure
yes
no
maybe not.
I’ll think about it
I’m not sure
I think I have forgot.
When you’re always searching for something…
Mr Gullible
Mr Gullible
believed every little thing
was true
he believed
that every Indian
was a Sioux
every fuck
a screw
and semen
was glue
every lawyer
named Sue
all faeces
smelled of poo
every Monday
was blue
he could dance
in a canoe
karate
was Kung fu
instead of
Judo
or Jiu Jitsu
that Google
was Yahoo
dementia
deja vu
his expire
overdue
had to pee
at Waterloo
that Tim lived
in Buktu
all he made was gross
revenue
every street
an avenue
any woodland
caribou
and every rat
a kangaroo
a cock
a doodle-doo
every peek
a boo
Bart
was Holomew
Mr Gullible
believed every little thing
was true
The bad worst
if you always look for the bad
you will often find the worst
Shhhhhecret
a secret
should be kept a secret
or else
it wouldn’t be a secret
this is a shhhhhecret!
There is no perfect parent
there is no perfect parent
in the eyes of a child
unless you’re exceptionally mild
or unexpectedly wild
Polluting pipes
hot damp
bouncing of
cold asphalt
polluting pipes
of vehicles
driving
economy
thriving
smoke
all around
we slowly choke
seriously
it ain’t no joke
Simply complex
I love
the simplicity
of complexity
simply
complex
To be Frank
to be Frank
I wish my parents
had called me Hank
Every moment
every moment
has its moments
Face the wretched
I know
it’s not my say
to place
but misery
is dripping
off your wretched face
Still water
still water
is water still
Enjoy being kind
enjoy
being kind
I don’t think
anyone will mind
I daydream
I daydream
about the night
when I dream
about a day
Mr Frost – by John Cooper Clarke
whilst decorating his tree
Mr Frost felt the need for a pee.
He fell off the ladder
and emptied his bladder…
on the newly delivered settee
In peace
if we hope to rest in peace
we should try to live in peace
You make me
you
make me
not like you
if you think
I don’t like you
you make me
Bush fix
be cautious with shears
watch out thee don’t botch
trim thy pubes well
to neaten thy crotch
What is the antonym for feminism?
Out of sheer curiosity I tried to find out what the antonym or opposite is of feminism.
Seldomly have I come across a more difficult task. Let it be clear that this is not a post where I feel the need to stick up for men.
First of all dictionaries seem to come with only negative antonyms like misogyny, masculism, anti-feminism, bigotry, chauvinism, sexism, cynicism, etc. (negative for/about men).
Let’s focus on the first one:
‘Misogyny is the opposite of feminism, holding the opposite sentiment towards women and their standing, not a parallel, holding the same sentiment towards men as feminism towards women.’
Another antonym defined, masculism: Advocacy of the rights of men; adherence to or promotion of opinions, values, etc., regarded as typical of men; (more generally) anti-feminism, machismo, according to Oxford dictionary.
These all have negative or disrespectful meanings in regard to women. And it
would mean that the antonyms of these antonyms or opposites (going back), thus feminism, would be or have to be also negative?
A professor came up with this:
“Male chauvinism. Since feminism calls for equal rights for women, male chauvinism calls for women to have fewer rights.
Masculism, then, is not an antonym.
Likewise, equality is a synonym, not an antonym!!!”
Equality a synonym for feminism? Isn’t feminism only for women’s rights?
Antonym.com came up with these words: make peace, stay in place, walk, pull, attract, best, worst??? Is that meant for women or men? Weird…
It would make sense in my country however as some women here tend to boss men around, no offence.
Now I am an egalitarian and I am working on my own witty word: equaligist
Yet these words are hardly known or used. That is a sad thing really.
What about men that stick up for themselves but respect respectful women. A malist? Again there is no such word.
Further on the matter there are discussions on forums like Quara. But often they involve personal opinions rather than plain definitions.
Anyway, I’ve come to the conclusion that feminism by feminists is regarded to be positive whilst the opposite for men is negative. Now how is that for equality…
Continues drizzle
gently
steadily
drip drip drip…
I may
just have
another kip
What women want
women want
what other women want:
what other women want…
as do men
Recollect correctly
If I can recollect correctly
I correctly recollect
I have the hots for you
I have the hots
for you
said the stove
to the pan
I may turn up
the heat,
at least
that is the plan…
The light is always on
the light
is always on
in the house
across the street
every night
till late
at night
the light
is always on
when I turn mine off
late at night…
I see something in your eyes
I see
something
in your eyes
the longing
for me
and greasy fries
I see
something
in your eyes
your pupils
and thighs enlarge
devouring pies
Oh well
Oh well,
Oh well
you dwell
and live to tell…
Equal rights and equal fights
yes
no
right
left
yin
yang
black
white
you are wrong
and I am right
or vice versa
we shall argue
we shall fight
peace ✌🏻
Maryland
I will take thee
by the hand
and I shall wed thee
in Maryland
Go with the flow
go with the flow
said one tumbleweed
to the other
let the wind carry us far
so let’s rock and roll
my dear brother
Poor pin
“I would like to pin my hopes on something
but I can’t keep it together…”
A mere servant
I am
but a mere servant,
a servant of the word
my share of wit
is somewhat prominent,
yet hopefully preferred